War Within my Mind…

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Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt that no-one could see you? Like everyone in the room is the best of friends and then there’s just you?  They look in your direction, you respond with a gentle smile or a soft “hello,” but they continue on with their conversations as if you weren’t there. Did they see straight through you? Should you be offended? Who do they think they are?  Thoughts start to bombard your mind as you find yourself in a corner sulking while still trying to maintain your composure.

Almost numb to your surroundings, tears start to weld up in your eyes as you wish, even pray, for just one person to approach you and simply say “Hi.” While you wait, people walk by you full of joy and laughter. “CAN YOU SEE ME,” a voice cries out in your head yearning to be heard but, no one looks your way. A piercing “NO,” echoes in your mind, halting any sense of hope you’ve been holding on to. “Why would they be able to see you,” the voice continues, “You don’t belong here…”

Maybe I’m the only person who has these experienced. (I doubt it though.) Mind wars happen more often than we think or even want to know. Often times, we disregard situations that don’t seem right for a plethora of reasons. Maybe we don’t want to appear nosey.  Sometimes, we’re too busy with our own problems to check in and see if we can assist someone else. Or, the worst of them all, we don’t know enough about them so we just assume “that just who they are.” I can honestly admit I’ve NEVER done any of these!!! Okay, okay I’m actually guilty of all three.

It’s unfortunate to say but, we can become so self-absorbed that we never stop to wonder what’s really going on with the people around us. Our world so transactional that we expect responses to be generic. A “Hey, how have you been,” is expected to be met with a “Good, how about you?”  But what if I’m not good? What if I feel like I’m going crazy inside?  Most people fighting an internal fight, try their best to “keep it together,” for appearance sake, and sometimes we’re really good at it too, other times, it shows in everything we do.

Personally, I always felt as though I had no choice, so I would sit in my messy emotions and allow them to continue to pull me down. I didn’t know how to fight my thoughts. Lately, I’ve been noticing, dealing with them head-on has an immense amount of reward in return (Beautiful. Passionate. Love. being the biggest one yet), but you have to be ready to grow. I was ready!

I didn’t learn to fight back by myself though, I wasn’t strong enough– I tried for 25 years. I hate asking for help PLUS the people around me weren’t conducive to the change I desperately wanted, so once again I felt stuck!  It is very important to have a community that is willing to push you forward and keep you focused.  By no mistake at all, I was invited to a Church.  Months later they became my community.  They have been such a huge part of my growth and a large reason why I started this journey.

Once I had a WHOLE community backing me, I started seeing/feeling a difference.  When I first started going, members, who knew nothing about me, would display “random acts of kindness” to pull me out of my mind. Things as small as suggesting I move up a seat, stopping me just to give me a hug as I’m walking out. One lady even pulled me aside and bluntly(yet so lovingly) told me “We can see you.” (At the time I had never shared with anyone how invisible I felt, not even a journal.)

I still struggle with the war within my mind often but, I PUSH THROUGH! My most recent battle was Saturday (October 13), and it literally tried to take over this whole week. At practice, I felt this heavy cloak of invisibility on top of me, which left me yet again asking, “Can they see me?”  I even felt like I wasn’t good enough to be on the Praise and Worship team.  But then one of my team members approached me and pulled me away from the group.  Once we were alone all she said was, “I just want to check on you.” Those are the little gestures that mean the world to someone at war with their mind.

CHALLENGE TIME– Follow the one applicable to at the time of reading (feel free to do both).

Whichever challenge you accept, make sure you are SINCERE! You never know, you may make a new friend!!

  •  GROUP SETTING— Look around you, regardless of if it’s a group of friends or strangers, there may be someone in this group who is literally at war with their mind. Struggling to feel content with what life has blown their way. I challenge you to observe their actions (or lack thereof) and make a difference in their life. It can be as small as a smile the next time they look in your direction, asking them how their doing, compliment them, anything to show them that you see them.

 

  • ALONE— Now, reading this alone does not give you a pass! Think about a person that you see and often looks sad or uncomfortable. Are they alone most times? When they are included in conversations, are their contributions brief and simple? They could be at war with their mind. So, I challenge you to make a difference also! The next time you see them, make a small gesture. Smile, give them a compliment, ask them how their day is going. Show them that they are valued and aren’t invisible.

 

Please, let me know if you accepted the challenge and how it went for you. Do you feel you’ve made a difference? Have you made a new friend?

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(Beautiful Passionate Love)

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

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