Beauty in Failure

~What’s up BPL Family!! Goodness, this has been a long week, however, I pray it brought you closer to the REAL you. When I tell you all I was so over adulting this week… I mean, work was crazy, my personal life felt nonexistent, and don’t even get me started on this weather!

For those of you who don’t know, I live in Upstate New York, where the weather this week just couldn’t make up its mind! We went from Monday which felt like -27 degrees to Wednesday which was 36 degrees. WHY!! Anywho, all and all, I am extremely blessed and thankful for the good, the bad, and the ugly of this week. Let’s embark on this weeks journey! Indulge & Enjoy!~

Sometimes, it’s difficult to see what everyone else sees when they look at you. It’s hard to process the difference in what you see, from what they see. The largest challenge may come when you have to convince yourself what you see isn’t true.

I mean, how can you tell your mind that what your eyes see is wrong? What type of mind games do you have to play in order to change what you see? Remember reading “Everyone Liesโ€ from a couple weeks ago? Well, lets journey a little deeper into this mindset.

Off and on throughout my life, I struggled to see the beauty I possess. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had trillions of moments where I felt pretty. I’ve taken plenty of pictures that family and friends marvel over. My Mom would take me places and people would tell her how beautiful I am and, “She looks just like you.

“What’s the point in lying,” I would think to myself while smiling and thanking them for their kind words. As the conversation continued, I would wonder “Why don’t I see what they see?” That was before puberty took over. As a teen, my response to complements changed.

You know those people we consider ‘Negative Nancy(s)? The ones that you complement and they respond with a “Yeah, right…” or “You’re just saying that… You’re the pretty one.” In this day and age, we even refer to them as ‘Attention Seekers‘. Well… I was that person… I didn’t see it as being negative though. I also wasn’t seeking attention.

Makeup has never been my thing. Honestly, I can’t remember actually wearing it, outside of cheerleading in high school. For me, it was more about my hair. In order for me to feel beautiful, my hair had to be done. By done, I mean I really had to be feeling myself!

By the age of 11 or 12, I wasn’t feeling the straight braids to the back or quick “up-dos” my Mom did while rushing out of the door for work. Right around this age, my Mom and I got into a huge blowup that resulted in her refusing to do my hair anymore. That’s when I learned, being “beautiful” was hard work.

Surprisingly (to me and only me), I didn’t have too many moments of beauty when I was doing my own hair either. It was pretty difficult until I taught myself how to braid and, secure weave ponytails. I still had to depend on my Mom for perms and hot combs though. When I tell you I thought my mom was going to burn my scalp!!! (Lucky for me, my mom wasn’t as petty as I was.)

When I say it took me decades to see my beauty I mean it. It was two decades to be exact! After high school, I went straight to college (full-time), while also working full-time. Most days, I didn’t have enough energy to pick out an outfit yet alone do my hair. I felt hideous…

A friend of mine, Kita, convinced me to go natural, meaning no chemically treated hair, and for some reason, I thought I would instantly feel beautiful. WRONG!! I literally had to learn my hair all over again! During this time though, I started to see my beauty while learning my scalp. (Scalp is such an ugly word.)

For those of you who aren’t familiar with natural hair, there are quite a few twist-outs, wet & go(s) and protective styles. Now, believe me when I tell you they are way harder then they sound. To be honest, I’ve yet to succeed at a natural style, and April of this year will be 5 years natural!

Here we go, someone is reading this thinking, “If the style didn’t come out right, why don’t you just take it out and, start over?” To you I say. welcome to the family and we’re glad to have you. keep reading and you’ll find your answer.

Though twist-outs sound easy they are pretty time-consuming. When setting a twist-out the hair is usually damp and there is some type of styling cream or gel that is applied throughout each section. The hair then has to dry, be untwisted and then styled.

So usually, I twist my hair, allow the twists to sit overnight and then style it in the morning. Therefore, I don’t know that I’ve failed until I’m getting ready to go in the morning, By then, I have no choice but to turn this failure into a masterpiece for at least that day!

This week and last week, I was in deep thought. After putting myself in the driver seat of life last week, I felt like little Alyshia-Mae was nagging me almost. Throughout all of my thinking, there was one question that remained on my heart. “Do you see it yet?” At first, I was annoyed… Then confused… Finally frustrated.

While in my frustration, I happen to be getting ready for work. As I looked in the mirror, the question weighed heavy on my heart. I was forced to stare at the woman looking back at me. My goodness was she beautiful! it was in that emotional moment the question, “Do you see it yet,” was replaced with a simple statement…

So, you finally see our beauty?!

If no one has told you today, you are beautiful! No one is more beautiful than you! If you can’t see it, then you have some work to do… I urge you to start now!

Feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.ย 

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

2 thoughts on “Beauty in Failure

    1. Hey Marinelle,
      Welcome to the BPL family!!! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! Also, thank you for embarking on this journey with me. See you soon!
      -Alyshia-Mae

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