~What’s up BPL! I pray this week has been good to you! If it wasn’t, remember, whatever transpired is behind you now. My week left me in deep thought, to the point of sleepless nights. Of course, I’m going to share what’s been on my mind silly, we’re family! This week will be shorter than usual though. You’ll understand why as you continue journeying. Let’s dive in! Indulge and enjoy!~
Being honest my mind is in overload… My creativity feels stunted. My desire to love what I do feels faded. It’s as if the river of imagination has been drained dry. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to write, that will never change (words flow through my veins), it’s just something is emotionally off.
Okay, so maybe I’m not being totally truthful. First, let me say I’ve gone through this creative drought before, only the last time, it lasted a little over 3 years. Yes, I spent 3 years bottling up everything life threw my way. On the verge of exploding at any second, this is when I started keeping to myself, socializing with almost no one. I REFUSE to let this transpire into the stagnation, loneliness, and emptiness I felt during those 3 years.
What’s haunting me you ask? Great question! I’m not yet ready to answer however, let me explain something. When you decide to make changes for the better, obstacles from your past will continuously reveal themselves in order to; pull you back into the mess and dysfunction you chose to leave behind. Now, depending on the person you choose to talk to about this, they’ll say “just stay focused and keep pushing.” Easier said than done is a drastic understatement!
How do you stay focused when the tears are weighing your eyelids down, and the only thing stopping you from crying is joking with a coworker who knows hardly anything about you… How do you keep pushing when in a room full of people, you feel unseen… How do you keep your head above water when you feel your sins tied around your ankles creating a huge boulder, pulling you deeper and deeper… Yet you get up daily and continue to push through.
Well, this is exactly what I’ve been dealing with. We talk a little about my past weekly so, you all know, like everyone else in this world, I’ve made a multitude of mistakes. While this journey is titled, “The Journey to Discovering Me,” a major part of this journey is working through my past. As memories or circumstances arise, I dissect and deconstruct them to see what I’ve learned from it and how not to repeat it. Then, I let go
But, this week, letting go isn’t as easy as in weeks prior. mainly because I’m not ready to let go. I don’t want to forget. While yes, the situation brought me a lot of pain, it also taught me strength. Though I’ve forgiven everyone involved in the situation, I still hold the facts very close to me. I hold on to the pain to make sure nothing or no one can take that strength away from me…
I know my thought process is not 100% logical when it comes to this matter. It’s almost the same feeling of getting a tattoo. We wince as the needle pierces our skin over a thousand times, yet, as soon as we think we’re about to give up, its over, and we’re already planning our next tattoo with the artist. Only, in this case, God is my artist, He won’t allow me to quit, and my input doesn’t hold much weight. Also, my tattoos are only visible in my actions and reactions.
If you’ve made it this far, I just want to say thank you for embarking on this rough journey with me. I love you all and promise to see you next week.
As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.
(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)
I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.
2 thoughts on “Emotional Overload”
We all go through rough patches. I know you said you’re not ready to reveal what the situation is that’s bugging you, but just know that there are brighter days. Everyone moves on from things at different paces. Sometimes going through these exact emotions is what helps you heal. Sending positive vibes ur way 💘
Thank you for your insight and kind words. You’re absolutely right going through this may be needed in my healing process! I appreciate you embarking on this journey with me. See you soon!