One Last Goodbye…

B.P.L. Family!! My goodness how I’ve missed you! Yes I know it’s been a little over two months. And yes, I know most of you thought our journeys were over. But, WE ARE BACK!

We’re definitely going to start off slow with more of a free form flow until I get back into the swing of things. Thank you so much for being so patient with me and know, I love and appreciate you all!

Ready to explore? Indulge and Enjoy!

…

I allowed you to penetrate the depths of my heart, expecting you’d know how to handle it this time. But, you didn’t. I held on to every word you said, imagining them all coming true. But, they never will. I was open… More open than I’ve ever been with anyone before because I knew you knew where I came from…

You knew the little girl that hated herself. You knew the childish teen that used her body to feel a love she could never find. You knew the young woman that would give anything in that world to be beautiful. An, yet, you loved her. You loved her through her pain and you pushed her to genuinely love herself. So, I just wanted to show you the love you once showed me.

…

Allow me to caress that pain, lying beneath the smile you wear daily, pretending everything’s just fine. Let me wash away the feeling of doubt, written in the wrinkles of your forehead, you think no one sees. Allow me to serenade you with stories and fantasies of a life together, as you drift into a deep slumber. Relax baby boy, I’ve got you.

You want me to wait? I’ll wait for you. I’ve been waiting for yo-… Hold on… Wait, why the hell didn’t you wait for me? You could have waited. Love… True love… Would have waited for us to actually finish before moving on. Before getting married. But now, four months before your two year wedding anniversary you want to tell me you’re still in love with me.

…

Yeah yeah yeah. You waited to tell me because the timing wasn’t right. But what’s so right about this timing? NOT A DAMN THING! But, it’s you and I’m the new me so let me allow you a moment to explain yourself. Go ahead, I’m listening… Right, now you don’t know what to say. Well, I’ll help you get started.

Start with the fact that you’re still the young man I fell in love with all those years ago. Having virtual relationships and promising women stuff you know you don’t plan to give them. You see, what family and friends didn’t know was, when we were together you did that dumb shit to me. I remember the messages in your phone. I remember crying because you just didn’t “know what to say.” So we stayed together…

Here’s something you can say… Tell me about your brokenness. Tell me that you’re so broken you don’t know where to start unpacking. Talk about how you pour all of your time and energy into fixing someone else because you’re afraid to heal yourself. That’s the key as to why you’re not “happy” in your marriage.

…

I’m so happy, conversation was all I was able to provide you in your time of unhappiness. I’m so happy, I’ve grown from being the Side Chick, I was once so very comfortable being. I’m so happy, for the reality check I so desperately needed to break me from the fantasy land I resided in, with you.

I’m so happy…

I’m so happy…

I’m so so happy…

I bet you’re wondering why I’m so happy, huh? Well, I’m happy to finally close the door on the last piece of my past that was haunting me. I’m happy, my heart is still pure and as genuine as before we met. I’m happy, I learned to love myself like no other will ever be able to. And, finally I’m so happy to know you never genuinely loved me. Now, I can stop comparing every man that has interest in me to a young love that simply never used to be.

And no, this time around, we cannot be friends.

God Bless & Goodbye…

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.