It seems like forever since I’ve sat down and conversed with you. Honestly, at this time, you seem like an unachievable figment of my imagination. I’ve even asked myself, multiple times, if I want to get married. I mean, be completely honest, you know I’m a handful.
Most times, I speak before I think… And, my eyes roll more than tires on an 18 wheeler going 80 miles an hour, late to its next stop. At times, I can be stubborn, thinking the world revolves around me and becoming very petty when I’m told ”no.” And this is all on a good day. So why would you choose to deal with the mess that is me? But then, I think about the man God is molding you into.
A man who will be fully graced specifically for me. A man, the Father has fully equipped to pray for me, as well as with me. A man, Abba will lead daily to ease the tension we may go through from time to time. And, a man, that will petition our Father in times of joy, sadness, and especially anger.
This week, I’ve come to realize, you are heaviest on my mind when I’m farthest from God… That’s always when I dream about you the most, as if you’re reminding me, my walking away from the Father, is also me walking away from you. And I always find my way back to Him, not for you, but because my safe place begins in His arms (I appreciate you keeping me on track already though).
So, I’m back in the Word, and something about it is so different. I find myself staying focused during virtual services, though I am eager to get back to the actual Church building. I’m taking notes and being more cognizant of applying what I learn in life. I mean, I’ve always applied the Bible to my everyday life (parts of it anyway), but now I’m being intentional.
I want to start talking to God more, but honestly it scares me. I know I have to break through this fear. A Pastor from back home said something years ago that always replays in my head: “Your voice is your spiritual address, how will God know where to send your blessings if He never hears your voice?” (Interesting thought, right?)
I don’t want to talk to God to get more blessings though, I want to become comfortable speaking with Him, to learn the purest form of love. A love so constant, it forgives one hundred times, times infinity. A love so strong, it holds on tight no matter how far away I stray. A love so genuine, it reveals my flaws and loves me through correcting them. A love so steadfast, it strengthens with every mistake I make.
A love so giving, It will one day, allow me to share just a drop with you. That drop, however, will never evaporate. It will never run dry. You will never feel second best and you will always know my love for you was molded and shaped by the one and only Jehovah Jireh, who will provide for us, endlessly, throughout our union.
Hmm, thinking about it, learning to love with the Father, actually sounds like one of the greatest blessings of all. I’m excited to share what I’ll learn with you. Until I write again, please know I’m always striving to be the best me I can.
With a never ending drop of love,
Your Future Wife
(All new journeys will be uploaded the 1st and 3rd Saturday of each month by 12:30 EST)
I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.