Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I have no idea who the woman is looking back at me. I mean, the figure looks like me, however, I can’t connect with her. She’s strong, ambitious, confident, loving, and so sure of herself. Her head is always held high, and her smile can brighten the gloomiest of days! Who is she?
I reach out my hand to touch her, and I am stopped by the glass, blocking her from entering my dimension. I beg her to trade places with me. It’ll be quick! Just wake me in the mid— actually, don’t wake me. Just gently place me in your bed, and rest well in mine.
Wake up and make friends… Take trips, build memories… Warm people’s hearts with your contagious smile. Show the world, there’s more to me than the reserved, quiet, semi-invisible girl they periodically see. Give them a reason to want to see me. Show them my funny side. My free side. Show them ME!
As I beg her to infiltrate my life, she never loses her poise. She, calmly, looks at my tear-stained face and smiles. There it is! The smile that refused to allow you to pity yourself. The smile that reaches deep down and hugs your soul. Not just any hug though… You remember the hugs your mom would give when you woke up, frightened from a nightmare? Yeah… That’s what it feels like.
I wish my smile could have the same effect on people. To pause someone’s frustration/sadness, no words needed! I wish I could walk in a room and possess enough confidence to set the room on fire. No cockiness, though. I want her confidence to seep through my pores. Knowing what I deserve, and how to obtain it! Building a life of enjoyable memories with family and friends.
Instead, I walk into a room and shrink. I put on my stylish poncho of invisibility and I sit quietly until spoken to. I use my face mask, hiding half of my face, in an attempt to hide my small feelings from the crowd. And so they label me as timid, shy, reserved, even innocent. Well, on a good day. Other times my quietness is seen as sad, depressing, moody, and altogether unpleasant to be around. Either way, I continue to sit alone waiting to be spoken to. Praying to be spoken to… “PLEASE SPEAK TO ME!!!”
Wait!? Still standing in front of the mirror. I look up at the woman staring back at me. Her eyes hold the fiery passion to set ablaze to anyone dimming her light. I’m fearful, yet, I can’t take my eyes off her. The fire begins to dwindle, but it doesn’t die. It lessens, just enough for me to see the compassion she also possesses.
As tears begin to fill her eyes, the fire and compassion remain. She never said a word, however, I heard her louder than the train roaring past my bedroom window…
“My sweet, beautiful girl… I am you… You are indeed me… Everything you are asking me for is already within you. My smile is your smile… My passion and compassion are both within you… The poise I carry so effortlessly is because you taught me to do so…”
My vision begins to blur, as tears stream down my face. I don’t want to hear her lies. I don’t want to see her beauty. How could I have taught a creature as beautiful as her anything? I blink rapidly, trying to erase her image from my mirror. “I want to see me… SHOW ME, ME!!”
I wipe the tears from my face expecting to see the meek, reserved girl from my reality, but she’s not there. The beautiful, powerful figure is still there. Silent, yet, louder than an alarm clock, when you’ve only gotten 2 hours of sleep. I hear her plead with me…
“I know you have a hard time trusting, I do too. Just believe me this once, and I will spend the rest of my life showing you. I AM YOU!! There’s no getting around it. When people look at you, they see more of me than you think. You are powerful! YOUR WORDS ARE MASTERFUL! People need to see you… They WANT to hear you. Stop hiding, beautiful one!”
My heart warms as she continues to pour into me. Calmness washes over me and I feel obligated to trust her. Trust… Damn, I hate that word. The calm feeling dissolves, as fear and insecurities move into familiar territory.
Just take my place lady… That would be easier than me trusting you. I walk away from the mirror and crawl into bed, emotionally exhausted. As I drift off to sleep, I feel one last tear, slowly drifting down my cheek. Creeping into the corner of my mouth, I accept its bitter, saltiness recognizing, tomorrow is a new day. Just as my mind shuts off for the night, I hear the enchanted woman say…
“The only one dimming our light, my love, is you…”
I pray this piece encourages someone to look deeper. Stop believing all of what you see and feel on your bad days, and look at the beautiful, INSPIRATIONAL figure looking back at you!
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DEFEATED!!!
Accept that you are loved! You may not know me, however, I love you (and there’s nothing you can do about it)! You are worth so much more than you will ever know.
I’m forever rooting for you!
(Image provided by Google.)
(New journeys will be uploaded at least once a month.)
I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.