“Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.”
Gives you something to think about, huh? How many times have you allowed someone to violate your boundaries (for whatever reason). How many times have YOU violated your own boundaries? Or, here’s a good one, how many times have you removed a boundary because others felt it inconvenienced them?
If we’re being honest, too often do we deprioritize our boundaries. And if we’re really being transparent, those moments usually left us feeling disrespected, devalued, and disposable. We end up adding to our brokenness, in a time we’re working so hard to heal.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve been dealing with several feelings that continue to creep up in my life. Rejection, abandonment, isolation, and hatred have always controlled my life for the most part, but I’m tired. Actually, I’m exhausted.
It’s exhausting to search for happiness in between these negative emotions. It’s painful to grip the peaks of “happy” only for them to fade back to emptiness. I want to experience more peaks of happy and less dark valleys. This starts with boundaries…
I’ve allowed myself to be hurt because I allow others to do as they wish. This goes deeper than a romantic relationship. I’ve always been the friend, daughter, sister, mentor, auntie and/or significant other, available whenever I was called upon. I used to take pride in telling individuals to call me WHENEVER they needed me, because my phone never turns off.
I welcomed calls before sunrise, and after sunset, because “I’m always here to help!” I would lose sleep worrying about situations/events that had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I was so invested in the lives of my friends and family, I would wake up out of my sleep, and answer the call coming in at 3 a.m. because “they need me.” (Insane, I know.)
I’m so proud to say I’ve finally set boundaries to allow myself peace! Some of you, who know me personally, may have noticed contacting me after 11 p.m. and before 10 a.m. is pretty much pointless. Those 11 hours are for me! Granted, 7 of those hours, I’m asleep but please DO NOT DISTURB!!
I never knew how beautiful a good night sleep was! I mean I wake up energized and ready to take on the obstacles of the day. I’m more positive. I mean, I’ve even made my bed every day this week (this is a huge deal)!
Another change I’ve made, recently, was to turn off social media at 10 p.m. and not log back in until after 11 a.m. I remember nights where I‘ve fallen asleep, phone in hand, scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. And, as soon as my eyes opened, I would start scrolling again. Looking back, it’s a little embarrassing. Like, why are you so attached to social media?
Well, I still can’t answer that question. But what I can share is, so much pressure and anxiety has been lifted since I limited my social media intake. I’ve been able to complete so many small goals that I just couldn’t find the time for, prior to setting this boundary. It’s almost as if I’m thinking clearer!
As I glide through this year of healing, I’ll add additional boundaries as needed. What I always keep in the front of my mind is MY BOUNDARIES ARE FOR ME!! They aren’t to impress anyone, nor does it matter how anyone feels, good or bad, about them. It’s about creating a safe space for me to feel, grow, and heal my wounds.
Happy Healing, Loves!
(All new journeys will be uploaded the 1st and 3rd Saturday of each month by 12:30 EST)
I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.