The Road Traveled Matters

~Hey Beautiful People! I pray something happened, this week to soothe your soul. On this journey, I want to tell you a story. I’m not going to explain it nor and I going to tell you why I wrote it… Okay, if you really want to know why I wrote it, just leave it in the comments, I’ll tell you in the next post!

Oh, next Saturday, April 20th, there will not be a post. I’ll be enjoying some much needed vacation time. Posting will resume April 27th. Ready to explore? Alright! Indulge and Enjoy!~

Following the coordinates given to him to find his Princess, he approaches the castle door with caution. After the fight he had just encountered with the vicious beastly dragon, he didn’t know what dangers could be awaiting once he walked inside of the rustic, Gothic-looking castle. He paused and took a long deep drag of fresh air to calm his nerves.

He pulls on the door and to his surprise, it opens without him using any strength. Walking the long dark hallway he hears rummaging behind him. Fearlessly, he pulls his sword and assumes a fighting stance but, the noise was gone. Resuming his journey down the dark, gloomy, tunneled passageway leading him to his princess, he contemplates the choices he made leading to this moment.

Pushing open the door, directly at the end of the hall, he sees his princess awaiting his kiss to wake her. He runs to her and kisses her gently on the lips expecting her to awaken.

**BOOM- POW-POW- POW-BBDDAATT**

Turning to his left his eyes confirm the loud abrupt explosion ringing through his ears, bringing him to his reality. You see, he didn’t get to his princess all by himself. In all actuality, he’s a fearful coward. Lacking faith and strength, he chose to cheat, signing a contract with the evilest man you could imagine… Fairy-tales call him Mr. Rumpelstiltskin and the world refers to him as the devil…

Soothed by true love’s first kiss, the prince was struck with pain, as a bullet rips through the flesh of his forearm. Looking down, he notices a gun in front of him. Diving to the ground, bullets continue to zip past him. Picking up his gun and surveying his surroundings confusion overwhelms him. Then it hits him. He remembers a strange phrase the evil man mentioned as he was signing the contract….

“You can’t have love without war.”

The prince was on a battlefield. Realizing he may never feel the kiss of his love again. Unless… He wonders if he won this war, would he be united with his princess. Still not understanding his life is no longer his own…

Don’t forget to tell me in the comments if you want to know what all this means to me and why I choose to write it this week! Also, remember, there will NOT be a journey April 20th. I pray you and your families a very Happy Easter!!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Let Go, Move On

~ Hey Hey! I pray this week pushed you to do something unexpected for someone un-expecting! As you know, weekly we journey through what I’ve focused on all week. With that being said, we’re going to switch paths from Breaking Free. If we need to go back there, by all means, we will, however, today we’re going to close the door on trauma Breaking Free dealt with. Ready to journey together! Me too. Indulge & Enjoy!~


Yes, they hurt you…

Yes, they made you cry…

Yes, they stole from you…

Yes, they used you…

Guess what they also did…

MOVED ON with their lives…


You’ve held onto the sadness…

You’ve held onto this pain…

You’ve held onto the memories…

You’ve nearly driven yourself insane…

Guess what you’ve also done …

Become COMPLACENT


Back then, you didn’t have a choice…

Back then, you were too young…

Back then, you didn’t have a voice…

Back then, you couldn’t even run…

Guess what else you couldn’t do…

Determine what is YET TO COME


Now, you are BEAUTIFUL

Now, you are STRONG

Now, you are a FIGHTER

Now it’s time to MOVE ON!!!

This week, I kept hearing a voice say, “Let go and move on.” At first, I was offended… “This is my journey and I will dwell on my pain for as long as I want…” I continuously thought to myself. As the week progressed, I realized the significance of the sweet, soft voice telling me to let go…

All week, I felt tired… I couldn’t focus on my meal plan… I even missed a workout!! My energy was literally draining from me and now I know why.

Over the course of the last two weeks, I have reflected NONSTOP on the negative events of the past. Mentally and physically I was ready to move on, however, emotionally I was obsessing over exploring all the obstacles affecting me from blossoming.  Turns out, at this present moment, I am the main obstacle contributing to my bondage…

It’s time to get out of your sadness and stand tall. You can’t change your past, and you can’t predict your future. Guess what you can do though…

ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT!!!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Quit forcing yourself to miss out because you don’t feel worthy. Smile… Laugh… Make lasting memories… Be happy!!
As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Everyone Lies

~Hey BPL Family! I pray this week has been full of refreshing love and understanding! I’m excited to share this weeks topic with you so let’s dive right in! Indulge & Enjoy!!~

So lying is inevitable right? I mean we all do it, right? We tell our friends, we’ll call them in 10 mins and never call. We tell our bosses, we’ll pick up extra shifts and then call in when the time comes. We throw around the “L” word (love) in relationships that we don’t really care about. We tell ourselves that we’re going to wake up early to workout or do something else productive and then snooze our alarm 15 times. (Super Guilty!)

Our society breaks it down for us though. We’re conditioned to believe the things mentioned above are “little lies” and don’t matter as much as real lies. “It’s only a white lie, how much damage could it do?” What we never seem to remember is EVERYTHING we say and do impacts someone in some way. Our little white lies usually have a negative impact even if it isn’t immediate or as large as other lies.

One of my biggest mental struggles is paranoia. Relax, it’s not the level of paranoia where I think everyone is out to get me or that something tragic is bound to happen to me. My paranoia mainly focuses in on lies, meaning, regardless of the dynamics of a relationship, I expect to be lied to. It doesn’t have to be a love interest or even a direct friend of mine. I just always find myself inspecting conversations and reading between the lines to find any discrepancies.

Now, I know someone is reading this saying, “This doesn’t sound too bad,” or “I need to be more like you,” I have to caution that thought process. I’ve dismissed a multitude of amazing people from my life because I felt I was lied to. With my extreme fear of being lied to, once I detect what I conclude to be a lie, I begin cutting that person out of my life completely. Even if it’s just a “little white lie…”

Being as paranoid as I am isn’t leading to any of the proactive precautions some of you may have in mind. At this level, I’m not protecting my heart or making sure I don’t allow the wrong people in my life. What I am doing, however, is ruining potential relationships (on all levels), and not allowing myself to grow socially or emotionally. I shut people out for minuscule mistakes. For example, You tell me your favorite season is Spring, then talking to a group of friends I overhear you discussing how much you love Fall and that you think that’s your favorite season.

Most people wouldn’t register (or care) about the minor discrepancy. Me? Oh, I take it to a whole nother level. My paranoid self will have a whole attitude and bring it up to you when the time is right. On top of all that, I’ll say something along the lines of, “If you can lie about something as small as your favorite season, what else are you lying about?” Then, I’ll begin to think about every conversation we’ve had and question your sincerity and truthfulness.

Monday morning (1/7), I woke up in deep thought. My soul asked my heart, “Why do you allow us to be isolated?” I immediately felt myself become defensive. Yes, I was ready to defend myself (by any means necessary) against myself. (If no one else had my back, I sure did.) But, then my thought process switched as my mind asked my heart, “Why does my soul feel like this?” That’s when I realized, I was creating the damage and hurt I’ve been trying so hard to protect myself from.

By being so obsessed with the fear of being lied to, I have stunted my own growth. I have unintentionally created stagnation in my life. I’m pushing everyone away because of my interpretation of untruthfulness. I’ve realized this week that I don’t like large crowds because I can’t process and keep track of all of the conversations going on. As this realization emerged, my soul asked another intriguing question, “Why do we want to process and keep track of them?”

With me, once a conversation registers in my memory bank, there aren’t any clean slates. I literally remember specifics of conversations from decades ago just because “I detected a lie.” I store the conversations as “evidence” if needed in the future. (And I wonder why have headaches some days…) Suddenly, my heart sadly speaks to my mind, “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” My mind agreed and my soul rejoiced!

I spent the rest of the week working through how to perform a master reset on my memory. Then it occurred, first, its impossible to just wipe out specific parts of my memory (without tragedy or trauma). Second, I shouldn’t want to. It’s perfectly okay to remember an event or conversation. Frustration begins to creep in as I start to feel like this whole week has been a waste. I felt like running through the library of my mind knocking down every book and shelf insight! Then these words hit me:

“Moving forward I will NO LONGER walk through life expecting to be lied to…”

I’m so thankful you are embarking on this journey with me. Feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section. 

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Closing a Year, Opening a Lifetime

~Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope this past holiday season has taught you something surprising about yourself. If it didn’t that’s okay, we have a whole NEW YEAR ahead of us! Before we get started, I urge you to shake off anything that’s blocking you from engaging these words… Need some help? 

Repeat after me (Confidently!!): 

I AM SOMEONE VALUABLE!

I AM BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME!

I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I AM NOT MY YESTERDAY!

Say it as many times as you need to. Don’t worry, I’ll wait…
It’s imperative you hear the truth in those words.  

Feeling better? Good! Let’s move on. Indulge and Enjoy!!~

First, let me start by saying I pray you had an amazing Christmas and a blessed start to this New Year! Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? I know I did. This year was different though. Unlike previous years, I had no wants or desire for materialistic nonsense. I mean, I received some beautiful gifts and I am grateful, however, they were nowhere near the highlight of my holiday season.

This year, I made a nerve-racking decision to celebrate Christmas with family on my Dad’s side. Doesn’t sound like too big a deal right? Well, I’ve never met them before so, it was pretty huge for me. In my short 26 years, I can only remember spending an hour, back in April of 2015, with my Father prior to this Christmas. (Before you begin forming opinions and assuming, read the rest of the post.)

My father, my siblings and I got in contact approximately nine and a half years ago, when I reached out to one of my older brothers via Facebook. When I went searching that day, my intentions were to find my Father, however, I bumped into my brother first! So, I sent him a message telling him who I was and, he connected with our father to confirm.

Fast forwarding this story a little. We all have been communicating for years now, but I have only really met, spent legitimate time with, my brother I originally contacted. The rest of us kept in contact mainly through social media and sporadic conversations. One fact remained consistent, no matter who I spoke with was they all wanted to meet me and soon.

Around Christmas time (2017), while having I’m sure a random conversation with my Dad, he asked me to choose a holiday (Christmas, or Thanksgiving) to spend with them next year. Knowing my mom and brothers aren’t big on holidays, choosing one of the two wasn’t difficult. I mean, keeping it all the way real, a part of me wanted to pick both.

One thing, well person, forced me to really think about the decision I was making. My Mom. Now, when I say “forcing me,” I don’t want anyone thinking she told me I couldn’t or shouldn’t do so in this very moment. Truth? The last time my Dad was brought up, in conversation with my Mom, was when my Mom first found out I was in contact with my brother. To say she wasn’t happy was an understatement. She said quite a few things in the heat of that discussion and I didn’t know how serious she was.

My biggest fear is (and will always be) losing my Mom in the process of building with my Dad. Being that my Mom did the best she could to provide for me and my brothers, I don’t think she understands my desire to want a relationship with my Father. She feels like because she is the only parent I’ve known (or consciously remember) that I shouldn’t need my Dad but, the truth is I do.

So far throughout my life, my Mom has given me all the love she could, yet, I still managed to break emotionally and mentally. Let me be clear, in no way, shape, or form do I see my damage as her fault. I don’t ever want my Mom to feel like anyone can take her place in my life. I also don’t want her to feel that anyone can taint the love I have for her. I do see, however, now that I’m on this journey of building, I  have to do what is needed to become whole. For me, a part of that was meeting my Father.

Throughout 2018, I knew of my intentions to travel to Kentucky and spend it with my Dad’s side of the family. What I didn’t know, was how to tell my Mom without hurting her. So, once the ticket was purchased, I withheld specific information. I told my Mom I was going to Kentucky for my siblings only and negated any reference to my father. Now, this wasn’t the biggest lie in the world but, it was a lie none the less and I definitely felt bad. This trip just meant too much to me to turn down though.

Once I got there, after checking in with my Mom, I IMMEDIATELY began falling in love with everyone and everything around me. The first person I saw was my Father and I felt an elevated level of love. (I remembered writing a paper, titled “Loving a Man with no Face,” in college, and all the emotions the writing process brought me.) This was everything I’ve ever desired wrapped into one! While I’ve seen numerous pictures of my father, since contacting him, and of course I’ve had tons of phone conversations I still hadn’t really had much one on one interaction.

The week flew by! Gathering after gathering… Hug after hug… I met what felt like hundreds of people. The connections I already had with people I had never met in person before was unimaginable! From vibing out over drinks with my oldest brother and sister (you know I can’t hang right), to arcade games with a few of my other siblings, one thing was certain. EVERYONE WAS COMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN SKIN!

Being around a bunch of new people for such a major holiday was a little rough in the beginning. At first, I didn’t want to make my own plate in front of a bunch of unfamiliar people and I definitely didn’t want to leave the sides of the few people I did know.

Even though my quiet and more reserved demeanor was very obvious, everyone welcomed me with open arms and included me in everything. They even got me to play multiple rounds of Uno and even arcade games, which is huge for me! The best part was they did it without making me feel forced out of my comfort zone.

2018 has been so eye-opening to who I am as a person and what I need to work on to be the best me I can be. To end the year meeting the other half of me has been so wonderfully amazing! To say this was the best Christmas ever would be a drastic understatement. I’ve always heard people say Christmas isn’t about gift giving or receiving but, I never understood it until now. I can’t wait to get together with my FAMILY again!

Remember there’s only one person on this earth in charge of your destiny and that’s YOU! Do not allow anyone or anything to stop your path to greatness this year.

Happy New Year!!

Feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section. 

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Mending the Past

~Hey Family! Notice anything different? This week has been a beautiful mess! While writing this post, I questioned how ready I was to share this stage of my journey. The final decision was to share because anyone embarking on this journey with me deserves transparency and truth. I honestly pray you CAN’T relate and learn from my mistakes. 

Before we dive in, I promised you all a therapy update! Even though there’s not much to share, I want to keep my promise. It was a really comforting first session. Definitely informative, we talked about a little of everything. I’m not going to say I left feeling awesome because I didn’t. When I left, I was in deep reflection of my past. I guess that’s where this blog stems from… Indulge and enjoy!~

The hardest part of this journey is admitting how much destruction I’ve caused people around me. I’m being forced to reflect on circumstances that I’ve become numb to. Acknowledging that I was a horrible friend. Take ownership of my actions and how it changed the position I held in their lives.  Allowing them to tell THEIR TRUTHS without taking offense. Asking for forgiveness with no expectation of receiving it. And, allowing them the time they need to reflect and decide they are willing to allow me access to their lives again. 

I’m being forced to humble myself and put my ego aside. I can’t approach the conversations in defense mode. I have to be silent and really hear how I hurt some of my closest friends, my best friends even. Realizing that even if they choose to forgive me, they may never allow me to be as close as I once was. 

Keeping it real, I was blessed with some amazing friends! Like my best female friend, I mean at this point she’s my sister, but she has been to hell and back with me. Granted throughout the time we’ve been in each other’s lives (10+ years) we’ve had some amazing times! We were each other’s support systems. Because of the points we were in our personal lives, we supported each other in different ways. I was her physical support (like helping with my niece), but she supported me emotionally. 

Emotional support sounds easy, right? WRONG! She had to deal with my raw emotion, which isn’t pretty at all, trust me. She was the call that was made 2 seconds after my heart was broken, or in the midst of making a dumb decision. My voice of reason. But, what happens when you’re too broken to accept words of wisdom. You run…

Her life became my personal revolving door, popping in and out when convenient. No matter how many times I disappeared she was always there with open arms to deal with my next crisis. Sometimes, I ran because I didn’t know how to sit and listen when she needed me, other times I ran because I knew she was telling me the right thing to do.

The last time I walked away was in early 2017. When I came back, late December 2017, I found out I have a nephew!  I was shocked, confused, heartbroken even. I couldn’t believe it had been that long, but I had missed 9+ months. She welcomed me back but it took us a long time to “get close” again. We had a lot of generic conversations in the beginning. And, I know she would deny it however, I believe my inconsistency is a part of the reason why I didn’t meet my nephew (in person) until just a few days ago.  I honestly can’t blame her though. 

Though I’m so thankful she accepted me back into her life, everyone isn’t that easy to forgive. If they do forgive, they aren’t that quick to move forward. I met my female best friend through her brother, my male best friend.  We connected my freshman year of high school. He knew everything there was to know about me. Literally the ONLY guy my mom would let me hang out with.

Our friendship took a lot of twist and turns, we always bounced back though. Well, when I move to Georgia, we’ll talk about this soon, I was so damaged that I allowed what I knew to be altered. Our entire friendship became blurry. I allowed my male best friend to be portrayed as my enemy.  Instead of standing firmly in the facts, I built up anger, hate, and rage for someone I once loved.  That caused me 4 years and counting of friendship with him. I finally reached out to him and we talked for about 2 hours.

The end result being he forgives me but doesn’t know if he wants me in his life. He’s unsure if mending the past is worth it at this point. For me, I understand why he’s so hesitant, I just want him to be able to enjoy my healthiness the way he had to deal with my pain. Did I tell him that? Of course, however, he is a strong-minded person and there is nothing I can say or do to sway his thoughts. I have accepted that there is nothing further I can do and, I can’t make the decision for him. I will respect whatever decision he chooses. 

To think about all the lives impacted by my insecurities is overwhelming at times. I wish I could sit down and genuinely apologize to each and every one of them. I understand and accept that I could only offer them who I was in that moment. It just saddens me to know that all I could offer was brokenness…

You know what to do from here! Feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section. Don’t forget to like us on Facebook!

Beautiful Passionate Love

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.