Growing Pains

-Hey B.P.L. Family! I am so proud to say I’m done with class!! I’ve passed my state exam and now I’m in Birthday mode!!! By the way, there will not be a Journey next week, as I’ll be celebrating my birthday! Our next journey will be on June 1st. Now, let’s dive into this week’s journey. Ready to explore? Cool beans! Indulge and Enjoy!-

This week, a memory came up in Facebook Memories, and I’d like to share it with you. Take a look…

Man, I can’t believe how selfish I was! How did I genuinely believe no one from my past should find happiness before me? Why did I think this mindset was okay? Why did I even care whether they were happy or not?

I mean, yeah, I was cool with all of my exes. Even when the relationship ended on bad terms I would always be sure to forgive them or ask them to forgive me, and we would continue our friendship. But, why was I so invested in them not finding their significant others before me?

Truth? Well, I never let them go… Any of them. When our relationships ended, I would hold on to the smallest piece of it as a keepsake. A little bit of hope that we would find our way back to each other.

Perfect example… My ex-fiancé and I were off and on for 10 years before we even got engaged. We literally refused to let each other go. We would enter into new relationships destroy them and then run back to each other. It was complete and utter dysfunction, yet, somehow we thought marriage would make it better…

What I hate the most about this time in my life, is how I justified my actions. Whenever one of my exes and I got back together, I would say “ This has to be God telling me he’s the one.” Anytime I did something I knew I shouldn’t have, I would convince myself “God understands,” and continue down my road to destruction… Looking back at it now, it’s a little embarrassing…

The greatest change I’ve made over the last year is losing the “me first” attitude. Learning how to cheer for everyone, whether I’m in the race or not! I mean, I’ve always been the type to want everyone to succeed, I just wanted to get there first.

*** Hahaha***

I genuinely thank God for the relationships he placed the men of my past in, leading them to marriage because it forced me to let go… ALL THE WAY! And, during that letting go process, I was forced to be honest with myself. I cried, a lot… I screamed, too much…And, I hated myself, too often… After a while, however, God slowly started to reveal who I am destined to be.

Now, I smile, uncontrollably… I’m genuinely happy, constantly… And, daily I’m on track to be a better me, AUTHENTICALLY!!

This journey as a whole isn’t an easy one. I’m so thankful to have all of you to share it with! Please remember, no matter where you are in life to: Enjoy your growth process, growing pains and all! Have a Happy Memorials Day (May 27th- My Birthday!) See y’all June 1st!!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.