Battle of the Sexes

~ What’s new B.P.L. family? I pray this week gave you the energy boost you need to finish this month strong! As for me? Well, this week I was feeling pretty poetic so I want to share this piece I started. It’s been a while since I’ve done poetry, I think I like where I’m going with it though! Well, let’s dive in! Indulge and Enjoy!~

Battle of the Sexes

He didn’t fight for me…

He walked away…

He didn’t come back for me…

He walked away, chose not to stay…

She took care of me…

She sacrificed so much…

She instilled values in me…

She sacrificed so much, no financial crutch…

She guided me…

I’m lost…

She fed me…

I’m empty…

He prayed for me…

I’m desperate…

He searched for me…

I’m right here…

She disciplined me…

He wasn’t there…

She, at times, put too much on me…

He’s unaware…

I love them both…

My heart will forever be theirs…

I finally see growth…

My destiny’s looking brighter…

I’m not exactly sure why all of this was stirring within me this week. I’ve been hard on myself lately. Forcing myself to not look back on decisions I’ve made with my best interest in mind. I know it’s easy to blame your decisions on your childhood.

“My Dad wasn’t in my life…”

“My relationship with my Mom is strenuous or desiccating…”

“I’ve always been the ‘black sheep’ of the family…”

Allow me to be very clear, THERE IS NO EXCUSE, GRAND ENOUGH, TO GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ABANDON YOUR DESTINY.

Stop believing the hype media tells you, regarding being a product of your environment. Stop forcing yourself to conform to the way of the world. You don’t fit in? Awesome, your destiny calls for you to stand out. Wear your differences proudly! Stand tall in the very features the world tells you are flaws. If it makes you happy, laugh! Who cares if you’re the only one laughing?

Let’s do this transparency thing we love so much. If you’ve been exploring with me since the beginning, then you know my father wasn’t in my life until about 10 years ago. You also know, a little bit, about my relationship with my mother (it’s been tough).

According to media/stereotypes, I should be a single mother with multiple children and the number of “baby daddies” to match. I should hate the world and be full of revenge and regret. Beautiful. Passionate. Love. shouldn’t exist. Well, it could exist, but I’m not supposed to be the author. Why? Because it’s too positive for what the world expects me to be. Guess what though. Next month will be a year since we’ve been exploring together!

I defy the odds of my upbringing on a daily basis and I will continue to do so. I used to hate being so different, not fitting the mold. I was “too saved” for my unsaved friends, and “not saved enough” for my saved friends. Not edgy enough for my “hood friends,” and “too edgy” for my suburban friends. Instead of changing me, I changed my environment. The ones who thought I wasn’t good enough for them were right. So, I let them go. LOOK AT ME NOW!

I’ve said all this to say, every experience you’ve been through is what makes you who you are today. If you genuinely don’t like who you are, figure out why and make the needed changes. However, if you don’t like who you are because you’re different… I pray a season of seclusion surrounds you, that you may not only learn to love who you are but also, see how your differences apply to your destiny. I love yall!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Just One Of Them Days

~Beautiful People! Goodness, I’ve missed you all! I pray this week exposed a flaw in you, that once corrected will thrust you into your purpose! I pray when this flaw is revealed to you, you have a moment of praise, the pieces of your future align! Pretty specific, huh? Well, ya’ll should know by now, I only talk about what I know! So, are we ready to explore? Indulge & Enjoy!!~

Okay, so let’s be real, self-reflection and self-improvement aren’t always fun. These last two weeks have been very difficult. Guess what though. I MADE IT! Yes, there were several bumps in the road, and I would have to say Wednesday contained the largest bump of them all. I mean, keeping transparency, sadness confound me in all aspects of life.

Long story long, I was very short, conversation wise, with everyone at work for the entire day. Halfway through, an incident concerning a client arose, forcing me to have no choice but to work with a coworker. Not a problem, we’ll just resolve the client’s issue and move on with our workday, right? Psh, I wish!

So, My coworker starts asking me questions, pertaining to the client. And then, her Team Lead jumped in, in an attempt to assist us. Also, her colleague chimes in. Not a problem, we all have one goal in mind, operation “Assist the Client” is in full effect. That is until my emotions took over, and I unnecessarily felt overwhelmed and attacked.

Because I already knew I was in a very emotional space, I decided to walk away from the conversation entirely. The problem with walking away, for me is, I wear ALL of my emotions on my face. Everyone can tell when I’m high or low emotionally (I’m working on changing this).

Wrapping up this story, as I walked away, I heard one of the three women express her opinion of me having a bad attitude. While she’s most certainly entitled to her opinion, I became even more frustrated in knowing my sadness was being translated into anger.

So now I feel the need to explain myself. I type up a message to the original person I was speaking with, apologizing if the interaction was disrespectful. I also, expressed, I was having a really rough day emotionally. She didn’t respond…

My day became even more difficult, resulting in me crying, twice, in the middle of my workday. After talking with my manager, who understood I was just having a one-off day. I realized one of my greatest flaws is the need to explain myself.

You see, the desire to want to over-explain oneself often comes from the desire of wanting to be liked by everyone. (Guilty!) Wanting to be liked by everyone, often comes from a spirit of rejection. (Also guilty!) And, the spirit of rejection usually stems from low self-esteem. (Hold up! This one isn’t me! Not anymore at least!!)

I’ve said it before, insecurities never fully go away! So, yes, while I am fully aware of how beautiful and valuable I am to the world, I will still have days or moments throughout a day where I won’t be so sure of either. This doesn’t mean I have low self-esteem, it simply means I’m having a rough day. And, I don’t have to explain why I’m having a rough day!

Now, your rough days do not give you permission to ruin the days of those around you. There are three things I did correctly Wednesday, recognized I was having a rough day and distance myself from everyone. Also, in my unnecessary explanation, I apologized, realizing I may have come across disrespectful. Truth, I didn’t have to apologize…

As life happens, these days will arise. Remember, the only person you owe anything to is YOURSELF!

Give yourself time…

Give yourself attention…

Give yourself love…

Give yourself space…

Give permission to feel how you feel…

But, when its all said and done, brush yourself off and remember YOUR VALUE!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Let’s Talk It Out

~What’s up y’all!! I pray this week provided you with the clarity you’ve been searching for. As for me… This week has been an emotional roller-coaster! I mean, I cried almost every day and couldn’t begin to explain why. I made it through though! On this journey, I want to let y’all in a little deeper than usual. Ready? Indulge and Enjoy!~

Transparency is, still, key with us, right? Okay, so here goes nothing… I’m struggling to embark on this week’s journey with you all… I mean, I know exactly what I want to say, just don’t know how to formulate my thoughts without feeling like I’m exploiting the topic…

You see, God is the most important part of my life… He gave me this platform… He’s been journeying with me since before I knew journeys were a thing. He chooses our journeys and he walks on them with us weekly… So, I’m sure you’re wondering, just as I am, why am I struggling?

Let’s talk it out! Religion is, and will always be, the most controversial topic in the world. Hold up… Pause… Before I go any further… This post is not to sway ANYONE to my religious beliefs and vice versa! Now, what was I about to say? Right, this family is made up of so many different walks of life, from around the world, I would never want to offend any of you.

Yes, I sprinkle God in our journeys from time to time, however, I’ve never done an entire journey on him. Now as most of us know, our journey, each week, is based on what I feel is the major point of interest, in my life, that week. Well, this week it was definitely my faith!! So I should be able to talk about it right? Glad you agree!

I spent this week seeking God. I felt He and I had been missing some intimate time with one another, and I heard Him asking me to make room for Him. Without thinking twice, I turned off the secular music and turned on my Christian playlist! But, by Tuesday afternoon, I didn’t feel satisfied.

Before I went to sleep Tuesday, I agreed to seek Him even harder the next day. Now, Monday and Tuesday, I woke up at 5:15 am with no troubles, but Wednesday… Man Wednesday, I woke up at 6:36 am. I LEAVE THE HOUSE AT 7 am! So, needless to say, I missed my prayer time.

I was determined though. I get to work and turn on a sermon and really dig into what is being said and then BOOM… My emotions went on a rampage. I became so upset for no reason at all. Then, all at once, I became really sad. I mean it was completely out of my control. This rollercoaster lasted for the rest of the week…

Needless to say, while writing this, I’m still not in the greatest headspace… Usually, when I journey with you all, I’ve walked through the beginning middle and end. This time, not so much. To be honest, I think I’m still at the beginning. I mean, I know I’m blessed, and I, also, know I’m highly favored in the Lord! However, at times— most of the time, I struggle to receive His love because I know I’m not worthy.

Wow! There it is family! I’m struggling because I know I don’t deserve to be loved by God… Guess what though! HE LOVES ME! He loves me more than I will ever know. More than my mind will ever be able to grasp! And, I have to accept His love. I have to be confident in known, in His eyes I am more than worthy of His love! AND YOU HAVE TO TOO!

If you’ve made it this far, I really want to thank you! I know this is different from the journeys we usually have, however, I had to walk through this and B.P.L. is the only place to do so for me! I love y’all.

Be blessed!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Regret, Why?

~Hey Beautiful Family! I pray this week has made you think twice before making a destiny altering decision. As for me… Well, I was tested, multiple times, and I’m proud to report I’ve passed the majority of them! This week, I want us to journey through one of the most powerful emotions we possess… Regret. Ready to explore? Me too! Indulge & Enjoy!~

Alright! Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. The big meany that always picks on us, especially when we’re already down on ourselves. You know, the feeling that you shouldn’t have called him/her, even though you missed them and you just wanted to check-in. Or how you shouldn’t have had that second piece of cake, because it wasn’t a part of your meal plan.

Let’s address the feeling by name. Let’s take its power away, that we may no longer be shackled by its bondage! Let’s walk away from the hurt we’ve felt all these years. Stop trying to ease into this break up with the “It’s not you… It’s me,” speech. END IT NOW! Close the door before they drag you back with the trips down memory lane. RUNAWAY FROM REGRET… and stop looking back.

I don’t know about you, however, I’m exhausted with having regret on my mind, constantly. I mean, I regret pressing snooze on my alarm, somewhere between five and 15 times, this morning. I regret speeding past the car on my way to work, the driver had no idea where they were going. I regret being the main bully in an alliance, solely created, to make a now close friend cry, way back in high school. I also, regret running away from home when I was 14…

There… now you know some of the things I regret. From trivial to literally life-changing… Have they altered your opinion of me? Can you not journey with me anymore? Am I a bad person, now? No? WAIT! You mean to tell me the events in my life that I’ve been dwelling on, big and small, don’t matter to you at all? You, respectfully, couldn’t care less? So why am I so regretful?

Truth? All regret really is, is a huge hypothetical mind game! We sit and think about random events and obstacles, from our past we think we would change, not realizing, EVERYTHING we’ve gone through is literally mapping out where we are going. Don’t get it? Check this out… Have you ever seen That’s So Raven? (One of my favorite shows growing up!) If you haven’t definitely check out a clip or two!

A quick synopsis, the main character, Raven, is “psychic.” So, every episode we see her have “visions,” pertaining to her family and friends. Whenever she has a vision, if it’s bad she does everything she can to try to make the vision not true, and if it’s good, I can’t remember many good ones… she tries to make sure it happens. Usually, almost all of the bad stuff ends up happening, I believe the good stuff did also.

What it took Raven, her friends, and her family four seasons to realize is everything always came true because of her actions (prevention or otherwise). That’s what I mean by a huge hypothetical mind game. She saw the future, regret what she saw, tried to change it, and then became the main source of why the event takes place. So now I ask…

Do you really think you would be in a different position in life, as a whole, if events didn’t fall the way they have thus far?

Now, someone is definitely reading this saying… “Yes, if I was born rich or won the lottery, my life would be drastically different.” FALSE!! You would still have problems just on a different scale than the ones you have now. I imagine life would be pretty tough not knowing who is genuinely there for me as a person or just for my money or celebrity status. (Just a random example I thought of.)

My take on all of this… Stop regretting your decisions and start double checking your decision making! Once words are said, you can’t take them back. And, once actions are made, you can’t undo them. So, before you make you’re next decision, big or small, ask yourself… ”How will this impact my destiny?”

I want you to take a pledge with me! We’ve done a similar exercise in an earlier journey. Find a mirror, or something you can clearly see your reflection in. Repeat these words…

“I control my destiny by my actions. If I act before thinking, I lose control. Thinking after acting, is regret attempting to consume my mind and I REFUSE to live a life wondering, ‘What if?’

Today, I choose to take my life back! Today, I choose a wiser thought process. Today, I force regret out of my mind and replace it with certainty! Today, I am free!”

Don’t believe it, repeat it until you do! Need to talk something out? I’m here for you! Email me at beautifulpassionatelove@gmail.com, we will work it together! (Please, remember I am not a licensed therapist.)

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

But, What About Me?

~Hey Hey! How has this week treated you all? I pray it was full of opportunities to grow! As for me, this week was a challenge! God revealed some emotionally draining, toxic relationships, I have to begin to evaluate. All and all though, this week has been so beautiful!

I mean, I’ve experienced an enormous wave of positivity that stayed with me from Wednesday afternoon, until this very present moment! It’s an amazing feeling. I’ve never been high before (by drugs of any sort), but this has to be what it feels like! I feel confident… proud… tranquil and joyful. The best I’ve felt in a long time!

Well, this has been a longer introduction than usual! We aren’t even exploring this on our journey. Let’s not waste any more time! Indulge & Enjoy!~

Hey,

When I sat down to write this letter I was concerned I would become exactly who you say I am. Afraid, I would take the bait, and explore a hateful journey, going against everything Beautiful. Passionate. Love. stands for. Terrified, my platform wasn’t being perceived for its intended purpose. But, I’ve overcome my fears… I’ve addressed my concerns! And, I’m ready to address you.

I know you don’t want to accept it, however, you’ve played a role in my brokenness… You have referred to me as ungrateful, a traitor, even a fat b*tch. You have criticized my decision making whether I was right or wrong. You have belittled me and forced me into a box of uncertainty and confusion.

And, everytime I think we’ve made progress, you rip the scab off of an old wound and force us further apart. As I try to pull you closer, you deepen the wound by smiling in my face as if nothing ever happened…

What I need you to know is I LOVE YOU!! And, there’s NOTHING nor ANYONE that can change the love I have for you!

With that being said, I also need you to understand, this situation is no longer about you… The decisions I’ve made and will continue to make are solely based on me, and what I need to continue to blossom. Though you don’t agree with them, I pray, one day, you’ll support me and see/understand why they had to be made.

You’ve always been very vocal about your feelings to the people around us. For that, I’d like to extend an apology. I apologize, you didn’t feel comfortable enough coming to me before going to them. I apologize you got the impression I would not listen had you come to me. And, I apologize for the hurt/pain, causing you to react in this way.

I’m choosing to write these words to you because communication has never been one of our strengths. Confrontation nor hostility are feelings I choose to explore at this point in my life, therefore, a face to face conversation just isn’t right for the present moment. What I will extend is an offer to go out to dinner whenever and wherever you choose! It’s up to you.

Regardless of what you choose to do with these words, I need you to know I CHOOSE ME! My entire life, I have walked around on eggshells, fearful of hurting the feelings of people around me. I don’t know how this was instilled in me (or why for that matter), however, I can no longer accept this way of living. I can no longer fall asleep at night asking, “When do I get to start living my life…?” This year, I’ve FINALLY started living, and though it has severely strained our relationship, I LOVE IT!

I ADORE you beyond measure, and pray, peace understanding and forgiveness shower over you!

-Signed: Alyshia-Mae

Wait, y’all are still here!! Thank you so much for exploring with me this week! I had to share how I feel, and sometimes I feel like these weekly journeys are the only way to do so.

If you’ve read this letter and the only thought on your mind is, “Who did she write this to?” Go back and read it again because you’ve missed so many valuable points.

And, if you read this and you are unclear, or feel you don’t know you’ve received what I intended to put out, check this out!

This platform’s purpose is solely to work on me, while sharing with those who are invested in this journey (by reading weekly). This space will NEVER be used to bash, misrepresented or teardown ANYONE. All material in this space is written in a tasteful manner to ensure three main facts:

First: The identities of those referred to remain anonymous (unless permission is granted by said persons).

Second: Blame is never shifted onto persons/parties other than myself.

Third: My TRUTH is shared.

As the creator and ONLY author of Beautiful. Passionate. Love. it is my responsibility and privilege to ensure this space always promotes positivity and remains a safe space for all to express themselves. As you explore with me, always feel free to share what you’ve gathered alongside our journey. So long as whatever you “takeaway” is positive, I’ve achieved my purpose. This space is just as much mine as yours!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

A Love Letter (First)

~ Hey Hey Family! Before we do anything, I need to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER!! This post isn’t about her, however, I definitely have to give a shutout to my biggest supporter. Mommy, I love you and pray this birthday is magical! Thank you, for always supporting me in all I do.

Alright, back to our journey, I pray this week left you at perfect peace with the events of your past! For me, this week has been… well, futuristically romantic is the only way I can think to explain it… Anywho, I’m so excited to share with you!! Are you ready to explore together? Let’s dive in! Indulge and Enjoy!! ~

Dear Husband,

As I sit and think of you, I am forced to think about the “boyfriends” I’ve tried to force in your place. Sorrowed fills my heart, at the thought of giving up on you for the instant gratification of what this generation calls love. I’m embarrassed at how impatient I’ve been. I’m terrified by how careless and vein I’ve become. And, I owe you an apology…

First, allow me to apologize for pushing us further apart. I’ve allowed us to remain strangers, by operating in fear. Out of selfishness, I refused to properly prepare for you. Loneliness became my excuse for not working on me. Fatherlessness, became the crutch explaining the men I choose to give myself to, knowing they would never compare to you.

Next, I need to apologize for not loving myself the way you love me. Randomly throughout my life, when at my lowest moments, I feel a wave of love shower over me. I know it’s you praying for me. I know it’s you begging got to show me how much you love me. And, I know you’re asking God to reveal me to you. I also know, God is explaining to you, “She’s not ready yet, my son.”

I want to apologize for my lack of prayer for you. In the chaotic world we are forced to live in, we need as many believers praying for us as possible. As your future best friend and wife, I should be lifting you up before God daily. I should be praying for your strength in God to live out your destiny. And praying, somewhere soon in your destiny, you’ll be led to me.

I want you to know, I have been working on me for some time now. I’ve been learning how to love me, all of me. By learning to love me, I can now begin loving you. I cherish the process I’m in because I know we’re being pulled closer together. And, if this letter finds you in sadness, heartbreak, or disarray, I’m asking you to smile. Smile knowing this is simply a valley in the journey that will, one day soon, unite you and me.

Until we meet, know I sincerely love you,

Signed: Your partner in Christ

Your future best friend,

Your biggest supporter,

Your Wife…

Marriage is a commitment I’ve wanted since I was a child. Call me old school, however, I don’t plan on having children until after I’m married. What I don’t believe is, my husband will make me whole. God is the only being that can complete me. My husband, however, he will make me stronger in Christ. He will enhance my strengths, and except my flaws while helping me to become an even better woman of God. And, I will do the same for him.

Start praying for your future spouse, the same emotions you deal with are the same ones he/she is going through. The longer we sit in our mess, the further we become from our spouse. Stop cheating yourself and your future spouse…

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.