See Ya Later

~Hey family! To immediately clear up any confusion, no, this is not the end of Beautiful. Passionate. Love. In fact, this is only the beginning! I pray this week brought you closure on obstacles out of your control. As for me… Well, keep reading and find out! Heads up, there will be no journey Saturday October 5th. Let’s explore. Indulge & Enjoy!~


For the pain you’ve caused me, I thank you. For the confusion you’ve poured into me, I appreciate you. For the embarrassment you’ve lathered me in, I honor you! For the insecurities you’ve allowed to blossom within me, I love you. 

You’ve been so meticulous in every season of my life! How could I not be in love with you? When the world was against me, you were also. When I thought I had no one on my side, you reassured me. When I just couldn’t seem to get this thing called life right, you found more chaos to throw my way. Thank you! 


See, you have molded me into the beautiful, charismatic, triumphant, woman, I am today! All of these obstacles can be seen as negative, I mean, not even a year ago, I would have called them negative myself.) But, the truth is, the pain and trauma you’ve caused me has been the best thing to have happened to me. You gave me a voice, the very voice the enemy tried to silence. 

Remember, when I moved to Georgia? Right, the worst 6 months of my life. I thought, by walking away from you, all of my fears, insecurities, and doubts would disappear. I thought life would be perfect. I was completely wrong.  So I came back home. I set a one year plan and surpassed it by 3 years.  For some strange reason, I didn’t care about not sticking to schedule.


When I moved to Georgia, I was running. Running from my mistakes. Running from my past. Running from my pain. Running from a future I didn’t want to accept. I was not only broken but shattered. And, like so many others, I thought packing up and starting over would change my outlook on life. It didn’t. 

This time is different though. As I plan a future, in a new state, surrounded by family and endless opportunities, I feel free. I don’t feel my past on my heals just waiting for an opportunity to pull me back in its darkness. I have made peace with my past! I have accepted my faults! And, I have gained closure! 

Rochester… as I drive away from you today, I don’t want to say goodbye. Goodbye is too permanent for a place holding almost all of my memories. Goodbye makes it seem like I will never see you again. Goodbye sounds like I’m still running. So no, I won’t say goodbye. What I will say is, “See Ya Later…”


Yes, family! You read that right! I am relocating and possibly driving as you are reading this!  It’s been in the works for 9 months now and I am excited yet nervous to explore my new home! 

This week, I want to remind you, your geographic location has no control over your mindset. If you are not happy with yourself in Washington, you won’t be happy with yourself in New York. Change your outlook on life before you try to pick up and start new. The last thing you want to do is bring your misery alone with you. 

Today, I challenge you. Find one thing you dislike about the way you’re living. Write it down! Now, think about how changing that one flaw will impact your future. Do you really want to change it? Cool! Write down three ways you can begin to remove this flaw. Don’t want to change it? Fine!! But stop allowing it to dictate your feelings on life!

Remember, there will be no journey Saturday October 5th!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Side Chick

~Hey Hey! How are y’all feeling? I pray this week gave you time to reflect on your past just a little. It sure did for me! I want to journey back to my past, for a moment. I’m sure this title has some of you judging me, already. I’m not surprised, though. What I will say is, to anyone who may unfollow Beautiful. Passionate. Love. after reading this… I’m praying for you! Ready to explore? Perfect! Indulge & Enjoy!~

I take pleasure in being your late-night desire… The one on your mind, while you’re lying next to her. The one you text, when everything else in your life is going wrong. The one who receives, “Good Morning Beautiful,” as soon as you make it to your car.

Actually, that was our, “coast is clear” message. Do you remember? How I knew I could call and text, as much as I wanted, without worrying about getting caught. Send as many provocative pictures as I felt like, without you having to run to the bathroom.

Come on… don’t act like it didn’t happen! You couldn’t wait for Monday’s to come, and you dreaded Fridays… Two days with little to no communication with me drove you insane. I mean, you would literally sneak away in the middle of the night just to lay up under me, and I was always down. As long as you remembered to make it home on time come morning.

You hated, I wouldn’t fight for you. You couldn’t understand why I was so comfortable with you going home to her. You wanted the drama, the emotion. You wanted me to show you passion, more than just in the bedroom. You wanted me to actually want you, even though you didn’t want me. That, I just couldn’t give you…

Judgement… Judgement… Judgement! I literally feel y’all thoughts right now. Honestly, I’m feeling a little defensive… Like, I’m supposed to list all the reasons I’m still a good person. Say things like, “I’m not a homewrecker,” and justify it by saying “I never wanted him to leave her.

Well, guess what… I’m not going to say any of that! So, if you feel some type of way FEEL IT!! This platform is all about transparency! And, I know, there are other women, men even, who are dealing with or have dealt with this before. Therefore, WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Full transparency… Yes, I’ve played the role of a Side Chick. Honestly, I’ve done it too many times in my 27 years of living. Am I proud of it? Not at all. Do I regret it? I regret being the reason another woman is hurt, or feels insecure in her relationship. However, I do not, any longer, regret my actions. (Before anyone comes at me about this statement, please, go back and read Regret, Why?).

At the time I was content and confident playing this role, I genuinely felt this was my purpose in life (relationship-wise). I didn’t feel I deserved to be someone’s wife, the only woman they were committed to. My self-esteem was so low, I wrote off my future.

Being real, I was afraid of commitment. It was easier to deal with a man already committed because he can’t expect much from me, right? So, he wants to be the only man I sleep with… I’m cool with that! I don’t do the whole overlapping partners thing anyways. It’ll be the whole, “When I’m with you, I’m with and when I’m not, I’m not,” type deal, right?

Little did I know, I wasn’t creating soul ties with just him, but with her as well! I would lay in bed at night and wonder if she knew he was gone… Wonder if she knew he was cheating… Is she hurt…? Is she cheating…? What will I say to her when she finds out? How can I comfort her?

Sounds crazy right? I’m lying in bed next to her man and all I can think about is her and her feelings. That’s when I realized something had to change within me. So I did the work… I started asking questions to figure out why all my life I never felt like “wife” should be my title. Once I got that answer I dug even deeper. Why don’t I feel like I should be someone’s number one? That answer made me dig even deeper! Why do I hate me…

If you’ve been exploring with me for a while, then you know, most of these questions have already been answered. It took me years to realize my potential and beauty. I mean,I didn’t stop hating myself, until may-ish of last year. And, I didn’t fully realize my beauty until late last year. I battled my self, internally, for at least 21 years of my life, before I finally got it right!

To be clear… I no longer partake in this behavior, nor do I encourage it! As mentioned in our introduction, this is exploring my past.

Everyone won’t be able to relate to this journey, and that’s okay. Guess what though! Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has something in their past, they’re ashamed, embarrassed of. For me, this was one of mine. It’s easy to bury these moments, and pretend they never happened. But what was the point of going through it, if you’re not going to share the lesson with someone else?

I love y’all!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.