January’s Reflection

The 4th Saturday of the month already? Geesh, Where has the time gone? Well., Welcome to our First monthly reflection!! This is where we will journey through the highs and lows of the month. Also, this is where any questions regarding previous journeys throughout the month will be answered.

We don’t have any questions to answer thus far this month, so this week will focus more on my feelings throughout the month. Cool Beans? Well, let’s explore! Indulge & Enjoy!

New Beginnings…

What better way to start a new year than with a new exciting business venture? Well that’s exactly what I did when I introduced the beauty aspect of B.P.L.! I was Over the moon excited to share a talent I enjoy so much with the world (still am). The truth is, it didn’t take off the way I wanted it to.

At first, I was discouraged and frustrated. I wanted to post random rants on Facebook. You know like, “Support those who support you…” and blah, blah, blah. (Petty, I know.) I’m so glad I didn’t though. This expansion has taught me so much about myself! I realized how fearless I am and how resilient I’ve become.

Foundations…

With every journey you embark on you should always start with building a foundation. What are some words that come to mind for you, when you think about the foundation you want for this year? Here’s a few for me: strong, faith, growth, humble, courageous, focused, and consistent.

The relationships blooming in my life are amazing, and a solid part of my foundation! A few years back, in New York, my Pastor, at the time, would always advise on the importance of community. Honestly, at that moment in my life, I was content with being alone, therefore I didn’t take his teachings to heart. Now, here I am in 2020, telling myself, and anyone who will listen, the importance of having a Godly community! (If you’re reading Pastor Mel, thank you!)

Faith…

My goodness! I can’t even begin to explain how amazing my faith journey has been this first month of the year! I’ve become more honest with myself, which allows me to be more open with you all. Not that I wasn’t open before, but I will admit I feared being judged by readers who didn’t understand where I was coming from or where I am going. But now, I’m free! Judge me, love me, hate me, adore me, I couldn’t care less!

I’ve learned to trust God in all aspects of my life (another lesson, I could’ve learned from my previous Pastor had I actually listened). One of the greatest flaws on my walk of faith was, only giving God access to what I wanted His help with. So, I would give him access to my finances but not my relationships or give him my relationship with my parents but not my significant other. Well, towards the end of 2019 I gave him access to my entire life and it was the greatest decision I’ve ever made.

Future…

Would you believe me if I told you I don’t really have a plan for this year? I’m not going to say this is the year I’ll lose 100lbs, or this will be the year, I meet my future husband. I don’t know what this year will bring my way… What I do know is with God by my side, I know it will be a year full of blessings and amazing opportunities!

Well, I guess I do have a plan for the year… Move out of God’s way and let Him work!

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

He Chose Me

What’s up, family? Welcome to our first Spiritual journey. Here is where I explore my raw, uncensored, and sometimes uneasy walk of faith, with you all. If you’ve been exploring with me for a while, then you know I’m a Christian. You also know I’ve made a multitude of mistakes in my life, and though I strive to be more like Christ daily, I’m still a very flawed human being.

On these journeys, you will get to see me pour my passion into my faith. You will see first hand the common misconception, “being a Christian is easy,” be discredited. It’s a daily struggle to be in the flesh, but not live in the flesh. So, like any other journey we explore, I promise to be as transparent as possible.

Now that all of the formalities are out of the way, get ready to explore! Indulge & Enjoy!

It feels weird lying here, desperately knowing this is not where I belong… In this bed, my bed, with this man I know, but don’t really know… In his arms, declaring my love for this man I don’t even really care to know. Is he my husband? The answer is no. But, I refuse to loosen his grip on me and tell him he needs to go… Why? Because sinnings no fun alone.

As he sleeps peacefully, I lay there… Wondering if he feels the warm tears sliding down my cheek, gently dripping on his bicep. No, he didn’t hurt me. Nothing happened tonight that I didn’t want to happen. Honestly, if you ask him, I’m sure he’ll tell you I initiated it… And we definitely had a good time. So why am I crying?

Praise and Worship was amazing… I’ve never known Your presence to be so strong. Or maybe I didn’t want to. I feel You moving within me. I know You’re trying to show me, there’s an easier way to do this thing called life. I just don’t think I’m ready… I’ll see You soon… I love you.

It feels strange to be back here again. A different man. No he’s not my husband, but let’s just pretend… I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him. No, I don’t know much about him but who cares? He’s my everything. I feel like I can’t breathe without him. If I give him my all, and do exactly what he asks of me, maybe he’ll stay.

As he sleeps peacefully, I lay in his arms, wondering when the tears will fall. They never come… As anger washes over me, his embrace begins to become cold. Attempting to calm the anger, I think about things he and I have in common. There are none. Wait maybe there are… Maybe it’s just, we haven’t had enough conversations to connect them. Or, maybe this is not where I belong…

Man, the Preacher was on point! You showed up and showed out! I haven’t heard preaching like that since my Granddaddy died. I never knew Your voice could be so loud. Or maybe I didn’t want too. I hear You speaking to me. I know You’re trying to show me, there’s an easier way to do this thing called life. I just don’t think im ready… I’ll see You soon… I love you.

It feels uncomfortable to be here once more. My body pressed against his, as my mind wanders somewhere far away pretending he’s not a different man (yes a different man). Of course he’s not my husband, but what if he was? How would that sound? Alyshia-Mae… Wait, what is his last name? Did even tell me? Did I even tell him my real name? Oh my goodness, he thinks my real name is Keisha…

As he sleeps peacefully, the war within my mind rages on. What number is he? Please don’t make me count. As the rage build up to tears as a voice yells out, “You’re ruining your life!” I yell back to the voice in my head,“Don’t judge me.” Wait, both voices were my own. So, am i judging myself? WHAT IS GOING ON! This is definitely not where I belong.

“Is there anyone here that has not accepted the Lord as their Savior?” Please don’t make me. You asked me to come… I came. You asked me to open my heart… I opened it… Now you’re asking me to surrender my life to you? I just dont think im ready… I’ll see You- – -..

….

It feels strange standing in the second to last row of this Church, confessing to the congregation words that my mind aren’t processing. Everything seems random, yet perfect. Tears stream down my face, as my soul reminds my lungs to breathe. But isn’t that my brains responsibility? “Yes, but I had to turn it off, I needed you to hear Me…”

God? Is that really you? “Yes My child, don’t be afraid” But, I’m still not ready! I’m too dirty to serve you… “Give your life back to Me and I’ll wash you clean as new.” But, I’m not ready- -… “My child, I created you. I know you’re every move. I know your thoughts before you think them. I know what you’ve been through. Please trust Me, you are ready.”  I’m not ready… I’m not qualified… Pick someone else…

I confess with my mouth, Jesus is Lord. I believe with my heart, God raised Him from the dead… I give the life You breathed into me back to You. I ask that You use me to edify Your Kingdom. I am Yours. My life is Yours. I still don’t think I’m ready, and if I keep waiting, I never will be.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Welcome to 2020!!

Happy New Year!!! When I tell you I am so excited about what God is doing within me this year!! I mean, words can’t even begin to express the joy and humility in my soul! I am so honored to be the daughter of the Highest King.

So, on our last journey, if you remember, I explained, we have focused enough on the past and it’s time to explore the present and the future! Well, this week I’m going to share with you what this will look like. I pray you’re as excited as I am! Indulge & Enjoy!!

Alrighty, so 2020 is going to lead to us exploring a wider variety of journeys each month. I have broken the journeys into weeks. Let’s see what each month will look like to start the year.

Week 1: Creative Writing (Fiction/Nonfiction)

Week 2: All Things Beauty

Week 3: Spiritual

Week 4: Monthly Reflection

Week 5: Wild Card (When Applicable)

Please note, these journeys are subject to change periodically throughout the year!

Now that we have a little structure to this year, let’s dive into this week’s journey! So Beautiful. Passionate. Love. made a rather large expansion on the first of the year via Facebook (Follow us Beautiful Passionate Love— You’re missing out!).

Back in June, we explored I Like It-You Don’t Have To, where we discussed my new found love for makeup! Well, what I didn’t know was, my love for makeup is so much bigger than just me applying it to myself. I love all things makeup!!

From talking about it to showing others how to apply it, to getting dolled up and just hanging out around the house… I have a genuine love for makeup! So, on January 1st, 2020, B.P.L. announced we are expanding into the beauty world!

I am accepting 5-6 clients (models) to come on board from January till April for me to perfect the application process! Once the application process is perfected, we will roll out phase II of the beauty sector (late April, early May).

Now, future beauty journeys aren’t going to be wordy at all. They are going to be more so a look of the week, along with a product review (sometimes).

This will be where I explore my growth in the beauty world and how/if it impacts my day to day life. I don’t wear makeup daily so, once we have clients rolling in, we may also do a client spotlight.

I want beauty weeks to be super fun! I may even start recording myself applying makeup and letting you all critique me!

Remember, this is our journey. Therefore, share what you like and don’t like. Share what you want more of! Share your own journeys!

With all that being said, here’s our Look(s) of the Month!

See you all next week!

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

It’s A Wrap!

~Family!!! This is our last journey of 2019! Can you believe it? Neither can I! I pray this year has taught you to be okay with constant growth! As for me, well, let’s just say growth looks good on me!

Because it’s our last journey of the year, I want to share with you all some of my affirmations, used to keep me focused throughout the year. From there, we will go, where ever this journey leads us! Ready to explore? Indulge and Enjoy!~

Lift up your head, young one… You’re a queen…

Smile, beautiful, your kingdom is watching…

It’s okay love, tomorrow’s a new day…

You’re so beautiful…

You’re destined to be a wife…

You’re a masterpiece…

The daughter of a King…

This year, like any other year, was filled with a lot of ups and downs. The most frustrating part was, not knowing how to explain my low moments to the people around me. I was closed off and reserved, with relationships that may have been beneficial to my growth. Also, there were several moments this year that left me feeling empty.

With all this being said, 2019 was an amazing year of growth for me. I mean, I removed useless titles from my life such as “Side Chick” and I added valuable ones such as “The daughter of a King…” “Wife in the making…” and “Beautifully melinated queen!” I learned to remove the opinions, of the world from my life, and create my own.

I‘ve learned to love myself for not just who I am, but also who I’m becoming!

So, there was about a good month, month and a half, where every day I was asking myself, “Who are you?” It was legit crazy!! My actions seemed foreign to me. I found myself going out of my way, showing random acts of kindness to people I’d never seen before (and it felt great!!). I soon realized, this is who I am, just never felt safe enough to show it. The comfort I found, almost changed to fear when I moved late within the year.

Now, as most of you know already, I‘ve moved to another state. Everything familiar has been stripped from me. Yes, I have loads of family here, I don’t feel like I’m vibing with them the way I wished to, though. They’re awesome! I’m just not “comfortable” yet, I guess… So do I sit around and mope, or force myself out of my comfort-zone? (Guess which one I chose.)

I also started a new job! I mean, what an amazing opportunity, occurring in what I thought was an attack from the enemy! What threw me for a complete loop was, during the loss of my previous job, I had no worries about what God was doing in my life. I was content and confident in His ability to guide me to the jobs I, very much needed and desired. Guess what, he did just that!

Which brings me to my final reflection! My relationship with God! Man oh, man! I mean the relationship I have with the Father is one that I’ve only dreamt of. We laugh together daily. When I cry He wipes my tears and reminds me of the plans he has for my life. He tells me about my future husband, and the joys I will receive if I continue to serve Him. He opens doors I had never imagined before. And, He never gives up on me, even when I’ve given up on myself.

Well, there you have it! Just an overview of my 2019! I must say, I’m amazed to see what’s in store for 2020. I have to share some news with you before I go…

For the last year and 2 months, we have mainly used Beautiful. Passionate. Love. To focus on “The Journey to Discovering Me.” While this is a never-ending journey, it’s time for us to step back and look at other trails.

Starting in 2020, we won’t focus as much on the past, as we will the present and future. I’m so excited to share new journeys with you guys!

We will not be exploring together on 01/04/2020. Mentally, I just need a quick break. We well, come back together on 01/11/2020 for a new year and new sound!

Have fun ushering in the New Year! And, please, I beg you all, be safe and responsible!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

Closing a Year, Opening a Lifetime

~Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope this past holiday season has taught you something surprising about yourself. If it didn’t that’s okay, we have a whole NEW YEAR ahead of us! Before we get started, I urge you to shake off anything that’s blocking you from engaging these words… Need some help? 

Repeat after me (Confidently!!): 

I AM SOMEONE VALUABLE!

I AM BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME!

I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I AM NOT MY YESTERDAY!

Say it as many times as you need to. Don’t worry, I’ll wait…
It’s imperative you hear the truth in those words.  

Feeling better? Good! Let’s move on. Indulge and Enjoy!!~

First, let me start by saying I pray you had an amazing Christmas and a blessed start to this New Year! Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? I know I did. This year was different though. Unlike previous years, I had no wants or desire for materialistic nonsense. I mean, I received some beautiful gifts and I am grateful, however, they were nowhere near the highlight of my holiday season.

This year, I made a nerve-racking decision to celebrate Christmas with family on my Dad’s side. Doesn’t sound like too big a deal right? Well, I’ve never met them before so, it was pretty huge for me. In my short 26 years, I can only remember spending an hour, back in April of 2015, with my Father prior to this Christmas. (Before you begin forming opinions and assuming, read the rest of the post.)

My father, my siblings and I got in contact approximately nine and a half years ago, when I reached out to one of my older brothers via Facebook. When I went searching that day, my intentions were to find my Father, however, I bumped into my brother first! So, I sent him a message telling him who I was and, he connected with our father to confirm.

Fast forwarding this story a little. We all have been communicating for years now, but I have only really met, spent legitimate time with, my brother I originally contacted. The rest of us kept in contact mainly through social media and sporadic conversations. One fact remained consistent, no matter who I spoke with was they all wanted to meet me and soon.

Around Christmas time (2017), while having I’m sure a random conversation with my Dad, he asked me to choose a holiday (Christmas, or Thanksgiving) to spend with them next year. Knowing my mom and brothers aren’t big on holidays, choosing one of the two wasn’t difficult. I mean, keeping it all the way real, a part of me wanted to pick both.

One thing, well person, forced me to really think about the decision I was making. My Mom. Now, when I say “forcing me,” I don’t want anyone thinking she told me I couldn’t or shouldn’t do so in this very moment. Truth? The last time my Dad was brought up, in conversation with my Mom, was when my Mom first found out I was in contact with my brother. To say she wasn’t happy was an understatement. She said quite a few things in the heat of that discussion and I didn’t know how serious she was.

My biggest fear is (and will always be) losing my Mom in the process of building with my Dad. Being that my Mom did the best she could to provide for me and my brothers, I don’t think she understands my desire to want a relationship with my Father. She feels like because she is the only parent I’ve known (or consciously remember) that I shouldn’t need my Dad but, the truth is I do.

So far throughout my life, my Mom has given me all the love she could, yet, I still managed to break emotionally and mentally. Let me be clear, in no way, shape, or form do I see my damage as her fault. I don’t ever want my Mom to feel like anyone can take her place in my life. I also don’t want her to feel that anyone can taint the love I have for her. I do see, however, now that I’m on this journey of building, I  have to do what is needed to become whole. For me, a part of that was meeting my Father.

Throughout 2018, I knew of my intentions to travel to Kentucky and spend it with my Dad’s side of the family. What I didn’t know, was how to tell my Mom without hurting her. So, once the ticket was purchased, I withheld specific information. I told my Mom I was going to Kentucky for my siblings only and negated any reference to my father. Now, this wasn’t the biggest lie in the world but, it was a lie none the less and I definitely felt bad. This trip just meant too much to me to turn down though.

Once I got there, after checking in with my Mom, I IMMEDIATELY began falling in love with everyone and everything around me. The first person I saw was my Father and I felt an elevated level of love. (I remembered writing a paper, titled “Loving a Man with no Face,” in college, and all the emotions the writing process brought me.) This was everything I’ve ever desired wrapped into one! While I’ve seen numerous pictures of my father, since contacting him, and of course I’ve had tons of phone conversations I still hadn’t really had much one on one interaction.

The week flew by! Gathering after gathering… Hug after hug… I met what felt like hundreds of people. The connections I already had with people I had never met in person before was unimaginable! From vibing out over drinks with my oldest brother and sister (you know I can’t hang right), to arcade games with a few of my other siblings, one thing was certain. EVERYONE WAS COMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN SKIN!

Being around a bunch of new people for such a major holiday was a little rough in the beginning. At first, I didn’t want to make my own plate in front of a bunch of unfamiliar people and I definitely didn’t want to leave the sides of the few people I did know.

Even though my quiet and more reserved demeanor was very obvious, everyone welcomed me with open arms and included me in everything. They even got me to play multiple rounds of Uno and even arcade games, which is huge for me! The best part was they did it without making me feel forced out of my comfort zone.

2018 has been so eye-opening to who I am as a person and what I need to work on to be the best me I can be. To end the year meeting the other half of me has been so wonderfully amazing! To say this was the best Christmas ever would be a drastic understatement. I’ve always heard people say Christmas isn’t about gift giving or receiving but, I never understood it until now. I can’t wait to get together with my FAMILY again!

Remember there’s only one person on this earth in charge of your destiny and that’s YOU! Do not allow anyone or anything to stop your path to greatness this year.

Happy New Year!!

Feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section. 

(All new post will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.