Staying True

~Happy December Family!!! It’s the last month of the year! I pray this month provides you with closure on the good, the bad, and the ugly of this year. As for me, well I’m praying the same prayer for myself!

This week, I want to explore Beautiful. Passionate. Love.! This won’t be a super long journey, however, I feel inclined to address a few things moving into 2020. Ready to explore? Let’s dive in… Indulge and Enjoy!!~

First, I want to say this space is my baby! Our journeys are therapy for me. One thing I’ve realized, within the last few weeks is, once I started sharing my faith, and allowing God to be visible on our journeys, I’ve lost a lot of views. So, I want to address this…

Beautiful. Passionate. Love. exist because God gave me a voice and a platform. When we first started exploring, I was afraid to openly discuss my faith because I wanted this to be a safe/free environment for everyone. I realized, within our first year together, if I continue to exclude my faith I would lose my transparency…

Yes, as you know, I’ve made a multitude of mistakes throughout my life, and continue to make mistakes daily (we’re all human). We all need something to give us strength from day today. For me, it’s my faith. Without my faith, I am no one. Without my faith I am voiceless.

I said all of this to say… MY FAITH is not leaving this journey!! I love and respect all of you, however, this space was created on transparency and me keeping it real. I will never intentionally disrespect anyone’s religious beliefs, but I will also never intentionally compromise my own.

Some of you may be asking, “Why is she saying this?” Well, mainly it’s because God had been dealing with me, this week. Because my views have been low I thought about embellishing our journeys to make them more “interesting.”

As I write this, I’m so glad I choose not to do so. Transparency… will remain key in our journeys. Honesty… will continue to lead us on our journeys. Committed… I will remain to Beautiful. Passionate. Love.! Numbers… will never define this space…

Sometimes, you have to remind yourself of your why. I think this week’s journey is more for me than it is you. You see, when you compromise your character for attention (good or bad), it changes you.

Have you ever thought about how life-altering lies are? I mean, once you tell a lie, you have to keep up that story, in order to convince everyone. Think about it, if I tell you I’m sad with a huge smile on my face, you aren’t even going to ask what’s wrong. But, if I’m crying when I say it, you’re automatically intrigued to want to know more.

Now that you’re intrigued, if I don’t have a captivating story to tell you, you won’t care. So, I make up one to tell you… Now, I have to make sure to tell everyone around me the same story and pray none fact checks the details.

I don’t know about you, but lying or embellishing is too much work for me. I’d rather be myself and attract genuine, loving, people who deserve my time and energy.

This week I’ve come to realize, now more than ever…

I’M ENOUGH JUST AS I AM!

&

YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE!!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE

Thy Will Be Done

~What’s up family! I pray you’ve been productive in planning out the end of your year. As for me, I’ve had to deal with some upcoming realities, however, I’m beyond blessed! This week we’re going to continue with the lessons of 2019.

Before we dive too deep into this journey please keep in mind, with next week being Thanksgiving, we will not explore together Saturday, November 30th. We will resume our journeys, Saturday, December 7th. With that being said, are we ready to explore? Indulge and Enjoy!!~

“It’s all about me!” I heard this phrase yelled so often throughout my life. Most of the time, it was from my mother. (Please hold the judgment and continue reading.) As a single mother of four, my mother rarely had time for herself. I can literally only recall two times, to this day, she actually took some “me time,” and did something she wanted to do. If she wasn’t working, one of her multiple jobs, she was with me and my brothers. Between the four of us and the many friends (of ours), she took responsibility for, her hands were always full…

**Story Time**

All through grade school, my older brother and I attended the same schools. Because he is only a year older than me, our friend groups would often merge. I can remember one year in high school, my sophomore year, his junior, the school made the mistake of having my brother, me, AND all of our friends in the same gym class. Of course, we got into some trouble and we immediately were escorted to the Principal’s office. As we sat in the office, my brother wouldn’t let me or our friends talk. He just kept repeating, “Call our lawyer…” every time the Principal asked us a question.

Thank goodness for Catholic school, because I’m positive our city school district would have called the police. Our Principal knew he was referring to our mother when he said “lawyer,” and we (friends included) knew our mother would get us out of this. So, they called her on speaker. One thing we all need to know is my mom does not play!! Man… Listen… She yelled at the Principal, the gym teacher, AND us!

Once she finished, the principal pointed my brother and me out of the group instructing us to go back to class and, she’d be calling the other students’ parents. Our mom quickly replied in and frustrated, firm, direct, tone, “I will handle all of them. You all better be at that school when I get there at 3:15. If I have to come find ANY OF YOU, there will be hell to pay. Do you hear me?” We all replied in unison, “Yes Ma’am…” Before she ended the call, she said, “Now, take ya’ll a**es back to class, and I better not get another call from this school today!”

No other parents were called and we were all sitting on the school steps when she pulled up…

This story is a perfect example of my mom taking on more than she needed to. I can go on and on with stories of my mom’s selflessness, but that’s for a future journey. What I really wanted to convey with this story is, yes, my mom yelled “It’s all about me,” however, her actions showed it was never about her. To this day, though my siblings and I are grown, it’s still not all about her.

I definitely inherited this trait from my mother. BOTH OF THEM. I’m always yelling at myself to be more selfish and focus on me. In the same breath, giving any and everything I can to my family and friends. I don’t have any children of my own, yet I always have children with me. According to the camera roll on my phone, I have between 7-10 children.

So many times, within the last few years, I’ve promised myself, “It’s all about me.” This year, however, I’ve learned it’s not about me at all. No matter how many mountain tops I stand at and shout, “It’s all about me,” God’s will for my life, will always redirect my path…

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this year is… Thy will be done. All of us on this journey are not well versed in scripture so, I will explain “Thy” translates to “Your” and “Your” refers directly to God. In other words, God’s will be done.

Now, as a reformed control freak, I will say this has been my most challenging lesson to learn… I mean, I have thrown full-blown tantrums with God, because I don’t know his plan for my life. I’ve been upset with Him. I’ve been childish towards him. I’ve even flat out disrespected him (with my actions). Yet, he still loves me.

Instead of turning his back on me, he caresses my soul saying…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

-Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

He accepts the parts of me, the world deems as broken, tattered, and useless and He tells me they’re perfect. He has welcomed me home, with open arms, every time I’ve ran away. He is the love that shines through me. He is the joy that beams from my soul. He is my heavenly Father.

This year I have grown from the defiant daughter, that refuses to obey their parents, to the mature young lady who turns to them for guidance. And, yes, I do turn to my mom and dad for guidance, have done so for years, but they don’t know my future either. So now, I address my Heavenly Father, I take heed to His direction and follow His word.

As His perfectly imperfect daughter, I thank and honor Him for never giving up on me…

You all should already know this by now, but feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE

Consistency

~Hey Family!! I pray this week has provoked you to plan for your future! Resolutions don’t have to wait until January. For me, I’ve been planning and acting on my plans all week! Our journey this week definitely aligns with planning for the future.

2019 is wrapping up rather quickly, however, it isn’t over yet. With approximately 5 journeys left this year, I want to start reflecting on the knowledge I’ve inherited. I also, want to start planning and speaking my blessings of 2020 into existence. With that being said, are we ready to explore? Let’s dive in. Indulge and Enjoy!~

Consistency:

Conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness…

(Definition courtesy of our good friend Google.)

So, you’ve read the official definition which, if I’m being completely honest, when I read, I wondered, “Why is this thing so wordy?” In my opinion, this definition could say, “The INTENTIONAL act of repeating an action, until it becomes a thoughtless addition to your routine.” Okay, so my definition is the same length, if not longer, mine just makes more sense in my mind.

In my mind… Focus on those three words. One of the many lessons I’ve accepted this year is, we all interpret situations (words, actions, images) differently. So many times, throughout my life, I have been furious with people for lying to me, when in all transparency, they may have just been telling their interpretation. (This isn’t what our journey is about, however, my spirit is begging me not to delete it.)

Back to this consistency thing… This year I’ve learned so much about my consistency and the lack thereof. Being fully transparent, the most consistent aspects of my life are Beautiful. Passionate. Love., and my monthly nail appointments. Out of all the many activities I’ve done throughout the year, I’ve only done two consistently? In my opinion, this is extremely sad. So ya’ll know I have to reflect on why I’m so inconsistent.

Upon my reflection, I realized I’ve been pretty inconsistent my entire life. In school, my grades reflected my inconsistencies. I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to be an honor roll student or the class clown. I struggled to choose between loving the little girl I saw when I looked in the mirror, or hating her. I couldn’t get through my head whether my mother was hard on me because she loved me or hated me. And, I just couldn’t figure out if I wanted a relationship with my father or if I hated him.

As a young adult, My inconsistency continued. It reappeared constantly in my relationships with friends, family, and even my sexual orientation. Yes, you read that correctly. Almost my entire high school career, I flipped flopped between dating boys and girls, well one girl. Before we go any further, allow me to cancel any questions you all may have. No, I am not gay, nor am I bisexual. I was just a lost, insecure little girl.

Regardless of who I chose to be with, I allowed them to be inconsistent in my life. I’ve allowed inconsistency because it’s all I knew, at the time. My mom, whom I know never intended to be inconsistent, became inconsistent because she had to work so much to take care of the family. She wasn’t always there to feed us breakfast or to tuck us in at night because of her schedule. Often times, it felt as though she was only there to discipline me because those were the only times she was made aware of.

As many of you should know, my father wasn’t in my life until the age of 17. When we did reconnect, due to life happening on both sides, our communication was very, VERY inconsistent. I’m proud to say my relationship with my mother and father have improved immensely throughout the years. My relationship with both of my parents has been tough because I couldn’t just walk away.

Eventually, I’d have to talk to them, even if I didn’t address my issues. I believe being forced to leave the door open to our very separate relationships, made consistency mandatory. I’m so truly proud to say they both force me to stay consistent in our weekly journeys. Though they never know what I’m going to explore, they always remind me to be open and honest with you all. I love and appreciate them for that…

As my relationship with my parents grew to be more consistent this year, I’ve realized, I desire consistency in all aspects of my life. Why wait until January 1, 2020, to implement a change? This week, I’ve chosen to promise myself to be more consistent for the rest of this year and my life.

So, what areas am I focusing on? Well, of course, our weekly journeys will continue. However, I have to make time to focus more on my faith. God is such a huge part of EVERYTHING I do, and I don’t feel I give enough of myself to Him. My prayer life and worship time were so inconsistent this year and I refuse to take those actions into 2020.

Also, my hobbies have lacked consistency… I love reading. There used to be a time when I would read 2-3 books a week! Well, I am determined to get back there! I will, soon, be getting back on my fitness journey and sprinkle it throughout our weekly journeys. Also, next year I will be turning one of my hobbies into a part-time career! Keep journeying with me for more details!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.