Angel On Earth

~Hey Family! I pray blessings and love to you and your families this holiday season. This week is going to be very different. A close friend was killed this Tuesday and I will not be able to attend the funeral so this post is my goodbye to him. Relax and explore some very raw emotions with me. Indulge & Enjoy.~

I remember the first time I saw you playing, with my big brother Anthony, on the playground at Holy Family Elementary School. My first thought was  “He’s too old to be playing with my brother…”  I couldn’t understand how a third grader could have gray hair, probably because I was only a second grader. I soon found out you and my brother were the best of friends when you ended up walking home with us one day. From then on you became another brother…

You were always so nice to me. Even when my biological brothers were jerks. You would tell me, “That’s what brothers do,” and convince me I had no reason to be upset while still acknowledging my feelings. I remember being upset with you once because you laughed at one of their jokes about me. I’m sure I was being overly emotional but, as soon as you noticed you apologized and promised to never do it again… to my recollection, you didn’t. When my emotions got the best of me you always gave me the biggest hugs and told me not to cry. For some reason that was enough.

From failed relationships to me deciding to move to Georgia and, not knowing how to manage being so far from family, you were there. Oh wow, I just realized I never even said thank you. You caught so many of my tears. Even when we hadn’t seen each other in years.

You were entirely too perfect for this world. A man willing to give anything and everything to help the next person. I literally, have never heard you raise your voice in anger. I definitely remember how you filled the room with laughter and joy though.

It’s eating me up that you had to suffer. It’s pissing me off that I’m writing this post. I keep telling myself that God had to take you because you were too perfect to live among us selfish individuals.

I am so sorry that life happened and I couldn’t get out of my mess long enough to be the friend to you that you were to me. I’m sorry I missed your call on Thanksgiving and never made time to call you back. I’m sorry our hearts wasn’t as big as yours.

I don’t have to ask you to forgive me for being flawed, because I know you already have. The lessons and conversations you have taught me will remain in my heart forever. I promise to do my best at smiling as bright as you and spread as much joy and you did in your short 28 years of living.

It’s crazy how the world works. The kindest, most people seem to deal with the most pain. You literally are the most genuine person I’ve ever met. I’ll never forget all of the nights, I use to classify as annoying, watching you and the boys playing video games. Dragonball Z and wrestling were always the topics of discussion, while you drank like 4 glasses of Nesquik Chocolate Milk and tell corny stories, that seems way funnier now…

It’s so hard to believe your gone. Even harder to try to make sense out of a tragedy that will never make sense. I’m not ready to say goodbye, none of us are. I don’t want to end this post because it seems too soon. No, it is too soon…

I know your family misses you immensely. I promise to check in as often as they allow me to. I promise to help them continue to shine your bright light through this dimly lit world. You will always remain in our hearts.

Thank you for being the amazing angel you are.

In memory of

Joshua Santos

August 6, 1990 – December 18, 2018

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.