Side Chick – Beautiful. Passionate. Love.

IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!!

Yes! We have been exploring together for exactly ONE YEAR today! Man, I can’t even believe it! I mean I literally remember sitting at my desk (at work) wondering if I should even embark on this journey. I promise I’m so glad I did!

Journeying with you all has taught me so much about myself! I mean, this month last year, God revealed, I knew absolutely nothing about Alyshia-Mae. He showed me, in order to move forward, I had to look backward one last time. So, I chose to do the work! I’m still doing the work… I will forever be doing this work!

…

Wow! How did I miss the significance of this month? I’m celebrating our first year together while getting settled into an entirely new state! You all journeyed with me through my first trip to Kentucky! Christmas of last year! Now, I live here!!! On top of all that, 2 years ago, on October 6th, 2017, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior! As you can see, October has been HUGE for me these last couple of years.

Prior to this realization, I use to HATE the month of October! I mean between, clowns, vampires, bats, and zombies, I felt I couldn’t leave the house without being scared out of my mind. I would make sure to be locked in my home before dark and to turn off all the lights on Halloween, to ensure no one knocks on my door. Now, I just feel free. I’m amazed at how God will use a month I dread to bring me back to life! I’m so excited to see how He reveals Himself, even further, to me in this beautiful month!

…

Are y’all ready to explore on a deeper level? Throughout this last year, I’ve learned to accept all aspects of my past. With me being comfortable with, and accepting my past, it opens up an entirely deeper, more intimate level of exploring!

It’s a beautiful feeling to not fear judgment. To know who you are, in the Father. To accept your mistakes and FORGIVE YOURSELF, as you ask for forgiveness. I thank God for the person I am today, and am ecstatic to pursue Him on an even deeper level throughout this next year of journeying!

…

I want to take the time out to say THANK YOU ALL!! From the ones who have been with me since Taking a Chance, to the ones who are journeying with us for the first time today, and everyone in between… I LOVE YOU!

I appreciate you, you don’t know how much it means to know I have family in 56 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. This is only the beginning! I am enthusiastic to see what this next year brings!!

Please note we will not be exploring this Saturday (10/12). I have to get some things situated here in Kentucky. We will be back to our normal schedule the following Saturday (10/19).

Stay tuned as I continue…

“Working on me- While sharing with you!”

I love y’all!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

~Hey Hey! How are y’all feeling? I pray this week gave you time to reflect on your past just a little. It sure did for me! I want to journey back to my past, for a moment. I’m sure this title has some of you judging me, already. I’m not surprised, though. What I will say is, to anyone who may unfollow Beautiful. Passionate. Love. after reading this… I’m praying for you! Ready to explore? Perfect! Indulge & Enjoy!~

…

I take pleasure in being your late-night desire… The one on your mind, while you’re lying next to her. The one you text, when everything else in your life is going wrong. The one who receives, “Good Morning Beautiful,” as soon as you make it to your car.

Actually, that was our, “coast is clear” message. Do you remember? How I knew I could call and text, as much as I wanted, without worrying about getting caught. Send as many provocative pictures as I felt like, without you having to run to the bathroom.

Come on… don’t act like it didn’t happen! You couldn’t wait for Monday’s to come, and you dreaded Fridays… Two days with little to no communication with me drove you insane. I mean, you would literally sneak away in the middle of the night just to lay up under me, and I was always down. As long as you remembered to make it home on time come morning.

You hated, I wouldn’t fight for you. You couldn’t understand why I was so comfortable with you going home to her. You wanted the drama, the emotion. You wanted me to show you passion, more than just in the bedroom. You wanted me to actually want you, even though you didn’t want me. That, I just couldn’t give you…

…

Judgement… Judgement… Judgement! I literally feel y’all thoughts right now. Honestly, I’m feeling a little defensive… Like, I’m supposed to list all the reasons I’m still a good person. Say things like, “I’m not a homewrecker,” and justify it by saying “I never wanted him to leave her.”

Well, guess what… I’m not going to say any of that! So, if you feel some type of way FEEL IT!! This platform is all about transparency! And, I know, there are other women, men even, who are dealing with or have dealt with this before. Therefore, WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!

…

Full transparency… Yes, I’ve played the role of a Side Chick. Honestly, I’ve done it too many times in my 27 years of living. Am I proud of it? Not at all. Do I regret it? I regret being the reason another woman is hurt, or feels insecure in her relationship. However, I do not, any longer, regret my actions. (Before anyone comes at me about this statement, please, go back and read Regret, Why?).

At the time, I was content and confident playing this role, I genuinely felt this was my purpose in life (relationship-wise). I didn’t feel I deserved to be someone’s wife, the only woman they were committed to. My self-esteem was so low, I wrote off my future.

Being real, I was afraid of commitment. It was easier to deal with a man already committed because he can’t expect much from me, right? So, he wants to be the only man I sleep with… I’m cool with that! I don’t do the whole overlapping partners thing anyways. It’ll be the whole, “When I’m with you, I’m with and when I’m not, I’m not,” type deal, right?

Little did I know, I wasn’t creating soul ties with just him, but with her as well! I would lay in bed at night and wonder if she knew he was gone… Wonder if she knew he was cheating… Is she hurt…? Is she cheating…? What will I say to her when she finds out? How can I comfort her?

Sounds crazy right? I’m lying in bed next to her man and all I can think about is her and her feelings. That’s when I realized something had to change within me. So I did the work… I started asking questions to figure out why all my life I never felt like “wife” should be my title. Once I got that answer I dug even deeper. Why don’t I feel like I should be someone’s number one? That answer made me dig even deeper! Why do I hate me…

…

If you’ve been exploring with me for a while, then you know, most of these questions have already been answered. It took me years to realize my potential and beauty. I mean, I didn’t stop hating myself, until may-ish of last year. And, I didn’t fully realize my beauty until late last year. I battled myself, internally, for at least 21 years of my life, before I finally got it right!

To be clear… I no longer partake in this behavior, nor do I encourage it! As mentioned in our introduction, this is exploring my past.

Everyone won’t be able to relate to this journey, and that’s okay. Guess what though! Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has something in their past, they’re ashamed/embarrassed of. For me, this was one of mine. It’s easy to bury these moments, and pretend they never happened. But what was the point of going through it, if you’re not going to share the lesson with someone else?

I love y’all!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.