Consistency

~Hey Family!! I pray this week has provoked you to plan for your future! Resolutions don’t have to wait until January. For me, I’ve been planning and acting on my plans all week! Our journey this week definitely aligns with planning for the future.

2019 is wrapping up rather quickly, however, it isn’t over yet. With approximately 5 journeys left this year, I want to start reflecting on the knowledge I’ve inherited. I also, want to start planning and speaking my blessings of 2020 into existence. With that being said, are we ready to explore? Let’s dive in. Indulge and Enjoy!~

Consistency:

Conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness…

(Definition courtesy of our good friend Google.)

So, you’ve read the official definition which, if I’m being completely honest, when I read, I wondered, “Why is this thing so wordy?” In my opinion, this definition could say, “The INTENTIONAL act of repeating an action, until it becomes a thoughtless addition to your routine.” Okay, so my definition is the same length, if not longer, mine just makes more sense in my mind.

In my mind… Focus on those three words. One of the many lessons I’ve accepted this year is, we all interpret situations (words, actions, images) differently. So many times, throughout my life, I have been furious with people for lying to me, when in all transparency, they may have just been telling their interpretation. (This isn’t what our journey is about, however, my spirit is begging me not to delete it.)

Back to this consistency thing… This year I’ve learned so much about my consistency and the lack thereof. Being fully transparent, the most consistent aspects of my life are Beautiful. Passionate. Love., and my monthly nail appointments. Out of all the many activities I’ve done throughout the year, I’ve only done two consistently? In my opinion, this is extremely sad. So ya’ll know I have to reflect on why I’m so inconsistent.

Upon my reflection, I realized I’ve been pretty inconsistent my entire life. In school, my grades reflected my inconsistencies. I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to be an honor roll student or the class clown. I struggled to choose between loving the little girl I saw when I looked in the mirror, or hating her. I couldn’t get through my head whether my mother was hard on me because she loved me or hated me. And, I just couldn’t figure out if I wanted a relationship with my father or if I hated him.

As a young adult, My inconsistency continued. It reappeared constantly in my relationships with friends, family, and even my sexual orientation. Yes, you read that correctly. Almost my entire high school career, I flipped flopped between dating boys and girls, well one girl. Before we go any further, allow me to cancel any questions you all may have. No, I am not gay, nor am I bisexual. I was just a lost, insecure little girl.

Regardless of who I chose to be with, I allowed them to be inconsistent in my life. I’ve allowed inconsistency because it’s all I knew, at the time. My mom, whom I know never intended to be inconsistent, became inconsistent because she had to work so much to take care of the family. She wasn’t always there to feed us breakfast or to tuck us in at night because of her schedule. Often times, it felt as though she was only there to discipline me because those were the only times she was made aware of.

As many of you should know, my father wasn’t in my life until the age of 17. When we did reconnect, due to life happening on both sides, our communication was very, VERY inconsistent. I’m proud to say my relationship with my mother and father have improved immensely throughout the years. My relationship with both of my parents has been tough because I couldn’t just walk away.

Eventually, I’d have to talk to them, even if I didn’t address my issues. I believe being forced to leave the door open to our very separate relationships, made consistency mandatory. I’m so truly proud to say they both force me to stay consistent in our weekly journeys. Though they never know what I’m going to explore, they always remind me to be open and honest with you all. I love and appreciate them for that…

As my relationship with my parents grew to be more consistent this year, I’ve realized, I desire consistency in all aspects of my life. Why wait until January 1, 2020, to implement a change? This week, I’ve chosen to promise myself to be more consistent for the rest of this year and my life.

So, what areas am I focusing on? Well, of course, our weekly journeys will continue. However, I have to make time to focus more on my faith. God is such a huge part of EVERYTHING I do, and I don’t feel I give enough of myself to Him. My prayer life and worship time were so inconsistent this year and I refuse to take those actions into 2020.

Also, my hobbies have lacked consistency… I love reading. There used to be a time when I would read 2-3 books a week! Well, I am determined to get back there! I will, soon, be getting back on my fitness journey and sprinkle it throughout our weekly journeys. Also, next year I will be turning one of my hobbies into a part-time career! Keep journeying with me for more details!

As always, feel free to ask questions and/or leave feedback in the comments section.

(All new journeys will be uploaded Saturdays by 12:30 EST)

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am PASSIONATE. I will LOVE.

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